You'll never get to heaven in an old Ford car

[venta]

Following a brief conversation in my office about whether or not you could get to heaven in a biscuit tin, I have to ask....

[Poll #1853005]

Comments

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

I still remember, all these years later, the impossibility of getting to heaven in a Playtex bra.

[venta.livejournal.com]

'Cos a Playtex bra won't stretch that far!

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

It was a Girl Guide's bra in the version I knew.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Actually, now I think of it: I wonder how much regional variation there is in the "proper" verses. By which I mean the ones that came up time and again rather than being made up on the spot to be topical.

Offhand, I think I remember that one couldn't get to heaven in an old Ford car, a biscuit tin (both for two reasons), a Playtex bra, a jumbo jet, a limousine, on roller skates, or with a bottle of gin. I'm sure there must be others, though.

If anyone wants to suggest others, I'm curious to know the verses people know offhand (rather than ones they found by googling).

[pseudomonas.livejournal.com]

A tin of beans!

[taimatsu]

I knew that as 'baked bean tin' so that it rhymed with 's'got baked beans in'.

[pseudomonas.livejournal.com]

You'll never get to heaven in a tin of beans / 'cos the Lord don't know what Heinz Beanz meanz.

[cleanskies.livejournal.com]

same. And for us, definitely a playtex bra

[ceb.livejournal.com]

On a boy scout's knee!

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

Or a Girl Guide's knee!

[taimatsu]

"If you get to heaven. (...) before I do (...),
Just dig a hole (...) and pull me through (...)."

Also it was 'Girl Guide's bra' for us.

[venta.livejournal.com]

"If I get there, before you do,
I'll dig a hole, and spit on you!"

We always finished with those two verses :)

There was also beginning-verse, which was something like "There are three things, I must not do, I must not smoke, or spit or chew" but I think we rarely bothered with that one.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Powder and paint (coz powder and paint make you what you ain't).

[tigerfort.livejournal.com]

You'll never get to heaven on a Beeline bus...
but I can't remember why not, unfortunately.