venta | Reading

kaberett

was invited to read A Bedtime Story :)
fresh new bedlinen
Eating More Food has in fact fixed the muscle soreness, again
successfully achieved a favour for a person (via venturing into the Warhammer shop halfway down the hill)
after the torrential rain, the sunset

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changelog

Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: 58f1e9ae34fdd53a861b5dae1e35fd57dc955024 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/58f1e9ae34fdd53a861b5dae1e35fd57dc955024 Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

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Update origin policy

This moves us to strict-origin-when-cross-origin which is probably what will fix embed issues with older embeds. It means that when we're referring to content that is not on our own service, we only send the domain -- so they can't see precisely what entry referred them, but at least they know it's dreamwidth.

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kaberett

I am going to lead, moderately emphatically, with: this is not a recommendation for this book (which in any case I haven't finished). The strapline is "how successful couples turn conflict into connection"; it was published in 2024. As recessional has pointed out to me, some of what's going on is that their target audience is specifically people who are treating each other shittily but don't want to break up/divorce/etc, and do want to learn to do better, but don't have the tools for how.

I, however, am very much coming from a perspective of being much more inclined to push for, if not breakups, the idea that there exists unacceptable behaviour one gets to just nope out over, and also of the tradition of DBT workbooks where there is a heavy emphasis on explicitly acknowledging, out loud, with your words, that the shit you just did is not okay.

All of this having been said, there are two things about this book (so far) that I Must Share.

The first is about a tool the (Schwarz) Gottmans' research group uses. Their research group, for context, is called the Love Lab.

Much of the data and observations about couples in conflict in this book comes from our decades of work in the Love Lab and from other important and groundbreaking observational studies by ourselves and other researchers. But now we are getting even more sophisticated and granular information from the AI we trained with John's emotional coding system, called SPAFF, short for Specific Affect Coding System.

... the second, I say, moving swiftly on, is that a little further on in the book I have encountered a genuinely new-to-me evopsych argument: that because of evolutionary pressures it is men who get Extremely Emotional very quickly, and take a long time to calm back down and reach a point where they can engage rationally again!

... At this point: He's flooded. She's flooded. Both hearts are hammering hard; adrenaline is zinging through their veins. Stan's physiological response has ratcheted up and overwhelmed him even faster than Susan's, and he'll take a lot longer to come down from it.

Here's why: For evolutionary reasons having to do with protecting the tribe and hunting dangerous animals for food, our prehistoric male ancestors gained a survival advantage by being able to quickly mount and sustain an adrenaline-packed response to danger. Those with this rapid response were better able to fight off enemies and hunt for food, and because they were better survivors, their genes were more likely to get passed down and eventually inherited by our men today. That kind of enduring fight-or-flight response might have helped Stan's distant ancestors survive, but it isn't doing him any favors now.

tl;dr for all that I regularly kind of want to throw it across the room there are some amazing moments in this thing. I'm only about halfway through! WHO KNOWS what wonders await me!!!

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Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: af6e4d08e07926f932a98f46c3f936d494896a0b https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/af6e4d08e07926f932a98f46c3f936d494896a0b Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

Changed paths: M cgi-bin/DW/IncomingEmail.pm

Log Message:

Revert to using relay forwarder

I have been bested by SES. This falls back to using va-mail01 as the mail forwarder still, but it no longer receives mail from the Internet and instead all mail comes in via SES and we get spam protection that way. And we get queueing in case our postfix is ded or something.

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changelog

Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: f8dd4144cf4c7dfc07e7c4fee9f8e7808c056e97 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/f8dd4144cf4c7dfc07e7c4fee9f8e7808c056e97 Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

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Add logging of auth errors

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Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: 87a033c8ac931abb2c42751ded7d8c357eb34185 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/87a033c8ac931abb2c42751ded7d8c357eb34185 Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

Changed paths: M bin/worker/ses-email-events M bin/worker/ses-incoming-email M cgi-bin/DW/IncomingEmail.pm

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Tighten spam drops + fix double-DKIM

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Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: c075e7cd49d5e2d2e2578eb1906d9740d17c3574 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/c075e7cd49d5e2d2e2578eb1906d9740d17c3574 Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

Changed paths: A .github/workflows/tasks/worker-ses-email-events-service.json M .github/workflows/worker22-deploy.yml A bin/worker/ses-email-events M cgi-bin/DW/IncomingEmail.pm M cgi-bin/DW/Task/SendEmail.pm M config/workers.json

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Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: 8eacf894a9d8fba2a4c02953b9998d0f952a31f8 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/8eacf894a9d8fba2a4c02953b9998d0f952a31f8 Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

Changed paths: M cgi-bin/DW/IncomingEmail.pm

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Fix to drop dw_null emails

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Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: cb81198c74bd69eae3f4b541127ff9cf711cc026 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/cb81198c74bd69eae3f4b541127ff9cf711cc026 Author: Mark Smith mark@dreamwidth.org Date: 2026-06-03 (Wed, 03 Jun 2026)

Changed paths: M bin/worker/ses-incoming-email M cgi-bin/DW/IncomingEmail.pm

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Add stats/logs to email processing

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denise posting in

dw_maintenance

Quick note that post-by-email and comment-by-email is (sometimes?) failing silently without actually posting right now! I'm pretty sure this is related to last night's shenanigans and will be fixed once Mark can finish the full fix for it, which he's working on, but if you've posted or replied by email in the last 24 hours, fish it out of your sent folder to check if it posted!

EDIT: This should be fixed as of around 7AM EDT! We *believe* everything that was stuck in the plumbing has been sent along to your journal or the comment thread it was meant for; it's definitely not where it was stuck anymore, at least.

pauamma posting in

dw_dev

It's time for another question thread!

The rules:

- You may ask any dev-related question you have in a comment. (It doesn't even need to be about Dreamwidth, although if it involves a language/library/framework/database Dreamwidth doesn't use, you will probably get answers pointing that out and suggesting a better place to ask.)
- You may also answer any question, using the guidelines given in To Answer, Or Not To Answer and in this comment thread.

lnr

Thank you for getting in touch to share your concerns about the revised EHRC Code of Practice which was laid before Parliament on 21st May.

As a Liberal Democrat, I am committed to respecting and defending the rights of everyone - including all LGBTQ+ people - and rejecting all forms of discrimination, wherever they happen.

I am deeply concerned that so many trans, non-binary and intersex people in our country were left feeling worried, fearful or uncertain after the supreme court ruling, and questioning whether they would be able to enjoy the same rights as their peers. The EHRC interim guidance that was published soon after the Supreme Court ruling did not in any way counter the anxiety, confusion and disruption surrounding how the ruling will be interpreted, and how it will work in practice. At this time I wrote to the Minister for Women and Equalities to convey these concerns and to press the government to show more leadership, provide more clarity and to ensure everyone’s rights are protected, including ensuring that the transgender community feels safe and do not face any discrimination.

It was essential that the new guidance issued by the EHRC gave individuals and organisations guidance that worked in practice and ensured that everyone was protected from harassment and discrimination. I do not think that the new Code of Practice meets this demand.

I completely understand the concerns of the transgender community who feel that they will be shut out of vital services, and unable to go about their daily lives and , worse still, will be at risk of harassment and victimisation. And many of my constituents also fear the risk of “gender policing”, where women can be challenged simply for not looking “feminine” enough. Businesses, societies and organisations are left worried about the costs of complying with the guidance and the legal challenges they may face.

I am pleased that Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey and Liberal Democrat spokesperson for Women and Equalities Marie Goldman MP have written to the Minister for Women and Equalities to convey these concerns, to urge that the guidance is withdrawn and that a cross-party committee of MPs be established to conduct a post-legislative scrutiny of both the Gender recognition and the Equality Act 2010, taking advice from all of those who have been impacted in order to propose new legislation or new guidance to ensure that existing rights are upheld and protected. Like them, I am committed to both women’s rights and transgender rights, do not agree that the two of these are in conflict and will continue to campaign for legislation and policy that upholds these rights and prevents discrimination in all of its forms.

Many thanks again for writing to me to share your concerns.

Yours sincerely,

Pippa

Pippa Heylings
Member of Parliament for South Cambridgeshire

denise posting in

dw_maintenance

Robby has managed to put in a temporary fix for the site errors and things failing to refresh or not showing up where they should! The permanent fix is going to need Mark's experience, and unfortunately -- seriously, this literally never fails -- Mark has been on an international flight all day, because of course he has. (Never. Fails. He and I are not allowed to both take vacation at once.)

The site will work just fine with the temporary fix in place, things just might be a little slow here and there. We'll keep you updated.

denise posting in

dw_maintenance

We're aware of site traffic issues and are working to fix them for the people who are having problems! (The tactics the damn bot traffic uses are endlessly shifting, and they're really good at looking like real traffic, sigh.)

github posting in

changelog

Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: a2e480c89cdd4b647132d44f198276c197b829c3 https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/a2e480c89cdd4b647132d44f198276c197b829c3 Author: Carly Ho carlymho@fastmail.com Date: 2026-05-31 (Sun, 31 May 2026)

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add .module-customtext ul to styling for module lists on abstractia (#3556)

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kaberett

Reading. Max Gladstone: I have finished Wicked Problems and am now most of the way through Dead Hand Rule, and have been remembering why it is that I'm feeling so much less fannish about these later books than the earlier ones. ( Read more... )

The library has just delivered unto my auxiliary internet device Fight Right (Julie Schwarz Gottman and John Gottman). I... cannot remember where I saw this recommended, I think in another piece of non-fiction I was reading but I can't remember what, so like... watch this space for how grumpy it makes me, I suppose?

Eating. Everything Has Been Too Warm, but: this week's most adventurous culinary wossname has probably, tragically, been The Protein Powder. Thus far I do not hate it but jury's out on whether it is actually a useful addition to my diet...

Exploring. I have been poking around new routes back from the gym and on my most recent journey found a delightful twisty little path including, among other things, walnuts.

Growing. ... I have watered the plants at home?

No, c'mon, self: the lemongrass is actually thoroughly established and I'm very pleased about it. The aubergines desperately need potting up but are also not dead. The poblano is fruiting merrily on the patio. Some things grow.

Observing. BATS: last night we heard something that might have been a soprano pip social call? Or might have been a noctule? We are not at all sure because we didn't get to hear much of it. But: bat!

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changelog

Branch: refs/heads/main Home: https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth Commit: 2377ade830b2f6f3ed01ece78c15fa2b6e59edda https://github.com/dreamwidth/dreamwidth/commit/2377ade830b2f6f3ed01ece78c15fa2b6e59edda Author: Socchan socchan@protonmail.com Date: 2026-05-31 (Sun, 31 May 2026)

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Add new Cloudy Daze mood theme (#3546)

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kaberett

The smitten kitchen pesto chickpea thing remains excellent. As does the ridiculous strata.
On my way back from the gym today I did An Explore of a Different Route and along an excellent winding little path I found A Walnut Tree!
I remembered to put the bat detector out at dusk; we detected bats!
I did actually feel deadlifts down the back of my legs today! -- I don't think I was doing anything different, I think it was just that they were slightly sore when I started today which made it easier to focus on them.
I have spent a lot of time today that I was not Moving My Body mostly horizontal and managing to actually read some fiction. It has been lovely.

kaberett

consumèd the last of my birthday cake <3
supermarket supplied More Cut Price Pistachio Croissants for More Indulgent Luxury Breakfast
A is very very good in particular (I went Quite Wrong on Wednesday night; tonight we debriefed and achieved many communication and I think none blame)
the weather is a bit cooler and it was extremely pleasant to be outside for Evening Constitutional
brain appears to be allowing me to read a tiny bit of fiction, which is a nice change!!!

kaberett

On my way home from errands this afternoon, I spent a bit of time meandering around some back streets I have not otherwise been terribly well acquainted with. The temperature had dropped enough to be actually fairly pleasant, and also everything smelled of the roses to an extent I am not sure I have ever previously experienced outside of a dedicated rose garden in season.
The ridiculous protein powder (I knoooooooooooow I am being SUCH a stereotype) I ordered has arrived; ( read more... )
Despite sleeping terribly for reasons, I picked things up and put them down again! and some of them were heavier than any things I have ever previously picked up or put down in that fashion! and I failed out of a squat set in the "bailed onto the safeties" sense, and I am feeling pretty good about having thereby unlocked Another Achievement. (Tuesday's Achievement Unlocked was getting diffidently asked by someone if I knew how to adjust a particular piece of equipment, on the basis that I clearly did because I just HAD but she'd not managed to catch the how. This was particularly delightful because the specific thing is the one I fled from in terror when invited to use it in my first gym trip a whole five and a half weeks ago.)
The Child is delightfully excited about getting to see me TWICE next week, both on a day when I am Doing A Babysit and on our normal visit day. ♥
Therapist induced me to identify some potential next steps for handling a Minor Situation that feel actually possible and maybe even constructive.