The signs were all there

[venta]

Some years ago, there was a snippet in the back of Private Eye where someone pointed out the hilarious sign on the M40 which read "Use both lanes Oxford A34".

How could one, they said (presumably with sides splitting from the laughter) use both lanes. Surely the sign should advise you to use either lane for Oxford?

Now, while acknowledging that they are technically correct, I'd driven past that sign for years without batting an eyelid. It uses short words and it's easy to understand what it intends to convey, which is pretty much the main criterion for a sensible motorway sign.

When small, I was perpetually amused by the roadworks signs which advise you "Delays possible til October". But it's July, I don't want to be stuck in a queue for three months! I do, however, concede that the sign can't really be improved on; you can't be accurate in four words or fewer. Ditto "Police Slow" signs (I'm a civilian, I can go as fast as I want!) I suppose you could stick a colon in that one, but really only the most perverse alien would genuinely misunderstand it.

Making signs say exactly what they mean would ultimately degenerate into huge hoardings containing several paragraphs of legalese; not a great idea for drivers hurtling by and trying to absorb information at 70mph.

However, every so often I do observe a sign which seems so peculiar that I want to know the backstory. If, for example you saw the following sign, do you think you'd understand it?

Passenger lifts
→

Assuming you were a passenger who wished to change floors without climbing stairs, you'd get the general idea that walking the way the little symbol-thing pointed might be a good idea?

So, I want to know what humorous misunderstandings and mishaps led to the placement of the following sign in Reading railway station:

Passenger lifts
please follow the
directional arrow.
→

Having added all those extra words, they could have added a 'For' at the front, which would have corrected the only possible ambiguity I can see in my alternative version above.

Comments

[the-alchemist.livejournal.com]

"Delays possible til October".

I like those signs - the idea that after October, delays will suddenly become impossible.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'd never thought of it like that. I guess what we want is "Delays probable til October" :)

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

> Use both lanes Oxford A34

I frequently see people using more than one lane simultaneously. Usually when I'm trying to use one of them myself.

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

My favourite signs are "caution heavy plant crossing" - I have yet to see Audrey II or any Triffids though.

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

I'm a fan of "Dogs must be carried" myself.

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

That joke is actually used in the film of Little Shop, iirc...

[motodraconis.livejournal.com]

That sign gets me too!

[stripey-cat.livejournal.com]

I can remember having to have that one explained to me when I was five (there was building work on the way to school), and how disappointed I was when I discovered that it didn't mean trees walking across the drive when no-one was looking. It still leaves me feeling a little downhearted every time I see it - another childhood dream in tatters!

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

I always get concerned when, at stations and airports, they remind me to take all my possessions with me; I didn't bring all my possessions!

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

Police Slow....Yes, yes they are, but you still have to be nice to them =;-)

[qatsi.livejournal.com]

Police Accident ... they've got it all wrong again?!

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

If you cast your mind back to wayback when, when I was a lowly help desk lacky in the University of Liverpool, I often posted about how, despite the huge sign saying "HELP DESK" on the door, people would frequently ask "Is this the help desk?".

I fear that in today's multi-signed society we may have become blind/deaf to sign postings.

[ylla.livejournal.com]

How can a door be a help desk? That's just silly...

[venta.livejournal.com]

I would like to agree with you there, but it's surprising how often you see such a sign, launch into your explanation of a problem, only to be greeted by a slightly grumpy comment that you're in the wrong place and the help desk moved three months ago.

I had a strange conversation with someone from Thames Water yesterday. Since my water bill said (in large, very black letters) at the top "This amount must be paid in full by Nov 5th" I rather foolishly assumed that that meant I had to pay it in full by Nov 5th. She was faintly amused that I thought that.

It turned out that was totally wrong, and I shall now be paying it in installments beginning on Nov 7th.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I'd like to offer a defence on behalf of the A34 signwriter here. The sign is in the second person plural.

My favourite theoretically misleading sign is "please take a seat". Although I've yet to hear of any instances of genuine confusion arising. It's the mental image which appeals!

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

The sign is in the second person plural.

Mm, that's always seemed intuitively obvious to me when seeing such signs driving. It's preceded by an implicit "Oi! You lot!"

You might as well complain about a sign ordering you to "Use A53 for Wangleton" when you don't want to go to Wangleton.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Favourite useless signs:

New road layout ahead.

I've never been here before. What is this sign telling me?

I've been seeing that sign for the past two years, and you still haven't taken it down.

I've been seeing that sign for the past two years, and now you've changed the layout again! I ignored the second sign, and it all went wrong!


Seen on the A418 to Aylesbury.

Caution! 13 causalities in the last 3 years.

(I may be misquoting that, but you get the gist.)

Argh. But where? That's 25 miles. Did a bus tip over on the next corner, and that's the only accident in three years? Pretty damn good that! Maybe it was at the other end of the trip, so I'm accident free for 24 miles! Or a pedestrian ran out of the hedge into the road? Not a lot I can do about that one, really.

[venta.livejournal.com]

You have to watch out for those causalities :)

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

And that sign has not changed in the last two years to my knowledge - are the same 13-or-whatever people getting hurt on a rota basis? Is it a rolling system and the stats are just that weird? Did they in fact make up the number in the first place?

And what is our being cautious going to achieve, exactly? We're either going to have an accident there, quite regardless of the number of previous accidents, or we're not. Should we throw caution to the winds on all other roads? I'd be happiest with people just driving carefully all the time, actually.

[snathe.livejournal.com]

I'm still not sure what this sign is actually trying to achieve...

http://mydorset.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/sign-not-in-use.jpg

[venta.livejournal.com]

I know that's a favourite sign to mock, but I have seen useful instances of it. I'm not sure that's one of them, though.

cf. "This page intentionally left blank" on exam papers.

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

There's a road sign on the M27, as it turns into the A31, that says something like "No Right Turns except for Rufus Stone and [somewhere else]". Fascinating - any other random facts about this road, Mr. Signpainter?

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

That one gets me every time I go that way (to visit my mum). No right turns apart from those two, then?

(Is it 'next right and Rufus Stone'? Argh, not remembering is annoying me now.)

[triskellian]

My current 'favourite' sign is the one that's littering Oxford: "it's 20 for a reason". That's all very well, but it's like parents saying "because I said so" without actually telling us what the reason is, and it makes me resent the whole thing even though I'm not really opposed to the idea at all.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

And they're not just up on residential roads (which is the obvious reason), as Warnford Lane (along the top of South Park) has the explanatory signs, but isn't residential, and The Slade, Windmill Road and London Road are all 30, despite being residential and having far more pedestrian traffic.

[qatsi.livejournal.com]

"Passenger lifts please follow the directional arrow"

If I received an e-mail with such grammatical quality, I would click Report Spam.

[failmaster.livejournal.com]

I'm still unjustifyably entertained by "Family Butcher".

[venta.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's in the least unjustifiable :)

[broadmeadow.livejournal.com]

I pass a road sign on my way to work which says something like "width restriction 1.5 miles ahead". That doesn't sound like much of a restriction.

The Daily Telegraph has a weekly feature of daft signs (usually, but not exclusively, poor English translations): http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/signlanguage/