World Gone Mad

[venta]

Every morning, when I go upstairs for my tea and evil-on-toast, I'm reminded that the world is a little bit more mad than I'd like it to be. And not in a good way.

My company's yellow-spready-stuff-of-choice is currently I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. The lid of the tub says "I Can't Believe I'm Not Famous", and has a yellow outline of a head with the words "win you face here" written on it. It is, apparently, a nationwide search for a celebrity in conjunction with The Sun.

Now. I don't mean to be awkward, but why would I want my face on plastic tubs throughout the UK ? Why would this be a good thing ?

I am however, pleased by their honest admission: Apply here, no talent required. It does confirm the theory that there is officially No Talent At All required to acheive celebrity.

Comments

celebs 'r' us

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

Surely 'tis well known that a celebrity is someone who is famous for being famous?

[kneeshooter]

What is this evil of which you speak?

[venta.livejournal.com]

It is, of course, marmite.

[kneeshooter]

That was my first thought - but then discounted as it's clearly not.

I find Marmite is a wonderful thermometer. The other day my jar in the office was very runny which led me to believe (together with the sweat on my brow) that it was very warm.

Makes it more spreadable mind!

[venta.livejournal.com]

That was my first thought - but then discounted as it's clearly not.

Of course it's not.

But you try telling thegreenman or leathellin that. I find if you refer to it as evil it prevents people trying to explain to you that it's evil :)

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

[fx: shrilly] Evil! Evil!

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

Not only evil but also bad and wrong.
And it tastes foul ;-)

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Oi, I happen to like a bit of evil on my toast !

Re:

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

Next you'll be telling me you like olives.

[stompyboots.livejournal.com]

Nowt wrong with olives! They're yum!

[venta.livejournal.com]

I have a confession to make. I'm leaning towards the dark side. I've got round to liking green olives.

Black ones are still satan, though.

[smiorgan.livejournal.com]

My stock theory used to be that all strongly flavoured foods provoke either insatiable cravings for or fanatical hatred of said foodstuff.

Then I met someone who felt indifferent to olives. Man, that shook my world. It's like being the gourmet equivalent of the SDP.

[failmaster.livejournal.com]

My housemate is the only person I've ever met who's ambivalent towards Marmite. When I found out I had to reevaluate my entire working-model of reality.

[stompyboots.livejournal.com]

Black ones are alright on pizza, but not very nice anywhere else. (IMHO) But I love green olives. If you've never had them before, Boscaiola are really nice - green olives marinaded in garlic with peppers and mushrooms.

[waistcoatmark.livejournal.com]

So being a celebrity for no reason is bad, but being "evil" for no reason (other than a distinctive taste) is fine? Smacks of double standards to me.

<FX: goes off to secret lab under volcano muttering about how "they'll pay">

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

Then you might get an agent to put your face on more plastic tubs..
Or something

Eeek

[mrph.livejournal.com]

....sounds almost like the spoof Hula Hoops celebrity thing. But real. And even less funny.

A postscript

[uitlander]

Whilst I was having brekkie this morning, Pete Cole accosted Jane [she-who-is-in-charge-of buying-fridge-things], and demanded to know why we had I can't believe its not nicer in the Fridge. After some mild assertiveness, Jane was left in no doubt that the spreadable substance was not up to his exacting standards, and has promised to get us all a big tub of Flora next time.

Unrelatedly - I have a nomination for Designated Hero of the Week - Bill. I was shocked to learn yesterday that Sylvia has started to send (polite) e-mails to people telling them that packages have arrived at reception (I'm assuming here that you are already familiar with her temper tantrum at Bill last week, and the events leading up to it). This sudden helpfulness is apparently the end result of Bill's 'little bit of fun', for which many of us are very grateful.

Re: A postscript

[venta.livejournal.com]

a big tub of Flora next time

Euch. Oh well, I suppose those of us who don't like marge much will cope.

I have a nomination for Designated Hero of the Week - Bill

He'll have to be yours, I think; I have to see it for it to count. Anyway, I've been quite confused by the whole episode. I get loads of parcels at work and have always had a nice phonecall off Them Upstairs when post's arrived. Must be my charm :)

Re: A postscript

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

Have I missed something? I always get a nice phonecall when a parcel comes.
What did Bill do to Sylvia?

[neilh.livejournal.com]

The hotel where I stayed when I arrived here had butter labeled such that the kana made it look, to my early morning eyes, like it said "Its butter". It took me several days to notice that actually it was just butter written in the local script.

Thats the power of advertising for you.