I'll write the words...

[venta]

So, I was opening my brie and bacon Tesco's Finest sarnie. Which was a bit of a problem, as it wasn't really what I wanted. I'm convinced it was tiger prawn and avocado when I picked it up. Bloody witchcraft again.

But I digress. There, on the sandwich packet, was a picture of a large lump of brie, and some tasty-looking bacon. And lo, it said in small black letters "Serving Suggestion".

Now. Are they really suggesting that the best way to serve this sandwich is with a few rashers and a chuffing large lump of brie ? I doubt it.

I propose the immediate discontinuation of the phrase "Serving Suggestion", and the prompt introduction of the snappy "Largely Irrelevant Picture We've Included To Make Our Product Look More Appealing".

Comments

[kneeshooter]

Seconded.

Bacon's a funny thing, even being vegetarian* I think I'd rather eat real bacon than the horrid faux-bacon which I was once served up.

* Sushi & Sashimi weakness aside

[venta.livejournal.com]

My vegetarian housemate insists with absolute conviction that faux-bacon is actually re-packaged inner soles. I can't say I know she's wrong.

[kneeshooter]

I had some at an LRP event - it was set in Communist Russia, and was rather *dry*; but the chap who ran it was stickler for detail and did authentic russian catering - including some hot bacon bun thing for breakfast.

The rolls themselves were delightful, fresh cooked bread - however he thoughtfully bought faux-bacon for the inside. Yeurch.

However, they are more palatable than Salted Turnip Balls which I tried at another LRP event this year. They'd been brought along specifically to ambush the unwary as one nibble and all the moisture in your body is sucked out.

Rubber swords are so old-hat you know...

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

Obviously a new definition of the word vegetarian

Re:

[kneeshooter]

Oh no! I'm a failure! I know I'm weak! *cries*.

Yeah - it's a fair cop. I'm vegetarian except the once or twice a year when I eat raw fish. Or when I brush my teeth (maybe). etc.

When considering the karmic balance, in my favour I never knowingly make any poor mushrooms suffer on my behalf.

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

You brush your teeth with ... goose fat? minced beef?

Re:

[kneeshooter]

Actually Glycerin, which I checked is an ingredient of my current toothpaste, may be of animal origin. Apparently not all Glycerin is from animal sources, but some is - and products are not always marked.

It's difficult to stay vegetarian - but then it's easier to be vegetarian than it is to be vegan.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I never knowingly make any poor mushrooms suffer

Yeah, it's the rich fat-cat mushrooms that should be made to pay. Bastards.

Incidentally, anyone know where I can buy golden straw mushrooms ?

[condign.livejournal.com]

Are you advocating rising up against the Portebellos?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Yup. The Trompettes de mort will sound.

Re:

[condign.livejournal.com]

You do know, of course, that I will have to fight you to defend the perogatives of the Portebello class. Besides, they're the only mushrooms that, if you're cooking for a vegan, you can make into a credible meat-alternative by cooking in red wine and a bit of worcestershire sauce.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Er, Worcestershire sauce, let alone vegan, isn't even vegetarian :)

[venta.livejournal.com]

And anyway, you're wrong. I cite shiitake mushrooms as evidence.

[condign.livejournal.com]

I said 'credible.' Shiitake are of disreputable nature, transparently meretricious morals, and without a scruple in sight. They also make awful meat substitutes.

[condign.livejournal.com]

And now you see my cunning plan! Mwaaaah haa haa haa...

Why the Portebellos shall never fall! Down with your utopian 'classless mushroom' pipe dreams!

(Wow. With this shaved head, I really shouldn't stay out in the sun too long.)

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

Er, Worcestershire sauce, let alone vegan, isn't even vegetarian

Apart obviously from the vegetarian varieties. (Haven't we been here before?)

[kneeshooter]

Probably :-)

The normal sauce contains anchovies. Apparently.

But we've probably been into the detail before too.

Still - I think this is a good case of LJ-Hijack.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Pizza: Serving suggestion: On a plate. Chips optional ;-)

I've alway been puzzled by the picture of chips (or fries) that they have on the price board in MacDonalds. These are supposed to be perfectly cooked, idealised chips. Nothing but the best for our photos.

Except they're not. They always have washed out pictures where the chips, rather than being a healthy golden brown, are anaemic, pasty things. About the colour of this here post-it note.

I haven't been into a MacDonalds in years ;-)

[al-fruitbat.livejournal.com]

I recently read "Fast Food Nation" by Eric Schlosser. I'm not going into a McDonalds ever again... And its going to be 'Don't think about camels' stylee if I ever do go into a Burger King...

(/aside)

But for true corporate lunacy, in my local Tescos there's a big 'Recall' sign up near the tills.

"Warning - Tescos Fruit Muesli - May Contain Nuts!"

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I found a nut in my muesli ! Can I sue ?

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

I think it may be some form of regulation or at least "best practise" even when it's so obviously completely pointless.

Along with the equally annoying "this product contains nuts" - of course it contains nuts, it's a pack of fekkin peanuts.

[elethiomel.livejournal.com]

I'm unreliably informed (by a colonial, no less), that peanuts are not, in point of fact, nuts. Apparently people with nut allergies can eat them fine. People with peanut allergies, however, fare less well...

*shrug*

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

neither are cashews come to that.

[mr-tom.livejournal.com]

Serving Suggestion: Give to your butler. They will know what to do.