I'm lost in the supermarket

[venta]

I have just put an entire trolleysworth of shopping through a self-service checkout in Tesco, without once putting that which was unexpected in the bagging area. I was not beeped at, remonstrated with, warned or menaced by the machine. It did not summon members of staff at arbitrary moments. I even persuaded it to let me purchase the vacuum pack of smoked mackerel whose barcode didn't scan.

I am made of 24-carat, armour-plated righteous WIN.

Comments

[ebee.livejournal.com]

Tell us the ways of this mystic art of mighty beater of the whiney programmed voice for we seek to be as wonderous as you!

[hirez.livejournal.com]

I guess it's always useful to have an alternate skill-set to fall back upon.[1]

The problem I have with those things is that it isn't clear if getting the punters to do it themselves is allowing those currently operating the tills to perform more productive and personally satisfying work elsewhere in the shop, or if it's allowing them the opportunity for a good queue down the dole office.


[1] See also being your own insurance broker, being your own travel agent, etc.

[ewx.livejournal.com]

Err. Is that unusual?

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Well done. You may now go in front of me in queues anytime you want.

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

I love self-serve tills. Mostly cause I like using a machine that goes BEEP!

[thefon.livejournal.com]

I don't believe

[fractalgeek.livejournal.com]

And the amount it asked you for at the end was £0.00 too?

[erming.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, clearly you are a woman who doesn't believe in buying booze in the supermarket!

[venta.livejournal.com]

Yes.

Possibly you are already superhuman and do this anyway.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Yes. I'm not clear why these tills exist. I was kind of excited when they arrived because they looked fun to play with (they weren't) but fear that they are really just a means of reducing staff.

Due to beeping, bagging areas, etc I normally avoid them if I'm buying more than a pint of milk but at 10.15 last night[*] Tesco had exactly two humans, both with huge queueues.

[*] I realise some people have more exciting things to do on Friday nights than go shopping.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I am, really.

I'm also someone who doesn't believe in buying greengrocery, bacon, fish etc in the supermarket (that's what my local off licence, greengrocers, butcher and fishmonger are for). Sadly this weekend is very busy and doesn't include time for shopping this morning.

[ewx.livejournal.com]

Well, I usually buy baskets full of shopping than trolleys, but otherwise, I find the self-service tills entirely straightforward and always have. Hence my puzzlement; I don't understand what the difference is between what I'm doing and what other people do, that results in the reputation exhibited in this post.

[venta.livejournal.com]

There's a number of things I've had trouble with in the past....

1. If you're using your own bags, and add the bag *with* the first item rather than beforehand, you're in a world of trouble. I think the machine's handling of "own bags" has improved of late, actually.

2. If you are too slow putting the item in the bag (for example, because you're trying to make space to pack neatly), the machine gets upset.

3. If you try to rearrange your shopping, the machine gets upset.

4. If you scan an item and it immediately says "please wait for assistance" (which it sometimes does for no apparent reason[*]), ignore it. Otherwise someone will come over and neither of you will know why and they will patronise you relentlessly.

Last night was, indeed, entirely straightfoward. I think it's one of those problems where, as soon as you make a mistake, it seems to multiply and you descend into a hell of beeping from which there is no escape.

Oh and:

5. Do not buy saffron. It is, actually, impossible to buy saffron painlessly via a self-service till (it's too light for the granularity of the scale, and the machine won't believe you've put it in the bag).

[*] Sometimes it does it for a good reason, eg buying a restricted product.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I reckon it's kind of the reverse of the list I wrote for ewx below.

1. Put own bags in bagging area before starting.
2. Pack carefully as you go, do not attempt to rearrange, BUT
3. Be quick! Once you've scanned an item you only have so long to get it in the bag.

I suspect most of the mistakes are caused by people getting flustered after an initial reprimand from the Voice. Last night it all seemed to go well and was actually... easy.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Sadly, no.

[cardinalsin.livejournal.com]

This comment has just won my "comment of the day" award, which only proves the OP was entirely true.

[qatsi.livejournal.com]

Clearly you are lying. This is just not possible.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I would add, "Don't wear a pinstriped jacket". Learned that one *fast*.

[satyrica.livejournal.com]

I'm in awe that you managed this whilst using your own bags!!

[(Anonymous)]

Own bags? You mentioned having been abducted and replaced by an alien. The evidence was being unable to answer a secret question, and more recently actually getting up. Does this latest feat suggest you are in fact an alien marsupial? I'm confused now.

Surely own bags feat

[a-llusive.livejournal.com]

is only possible if own bags are empty on starting - trying to add a few (or lots) of groceries to a bag with anything in it already (e.g. bike pannier) is impossible.