The drugs don't work, they just make you worse

[venta]

So... we still have no government, so I still have a cough. On the way to work this morning, I bought some cough mixture - said cough isn't particularly painful, but it is noisy and I thought I ought to make the attempt not to irritate my colleagues.

Actually, I seem to have irritated them anyway, because they're all wildly indignant that I paid for cough mixture when "it doesn't work". I'm vaguely aware that there have been news stories claiming that cough mixture was ineffective, but am vague on the details. It certainly appears to have made some difference. I bought the least expensive bottle available in Boots this morning and its ingredients list doesn't include "placebo", so it can't be that.

Anyway, I am mildly outraged by my cough mixture. It is a sort-of branded, sort-of ownbrand affair, being somehow "Boots Nirolex Chesty Cough relief Linctus". The capitalisation is theirs.

Firstly I was outraged because the box didn't contain a spoon. Don't you even get a free spoon these days ? Admittedly, sensible grown-ups with medicine cabinets don't need another spoon, so I suppose it reduces waste. However, as an immature type who hasn't bought liquid medicine in years I found myself in the unfortunate position this morning of swigging it out of the bottle. And it was rather nasty. More outrage. I always expect cough mixture to be nice. Junior Benelyn was (when I was a kid) lovely stuff - more or less worth having a cold for.

Anyway. Swigging from the bottle, as it turns out, meant I didn't realise until just now how quite how outraged I was. Post lunch, I thought it was about time for another dose so used the small purple pottery spoon which lives on my desk. Pouring the gloopy stuff out... I realised it was clear. Transparent. Totally colourless.

Everyone knows that cough mixture should be red. Or brown. Maybe reddish brown. Possibly - on appeal - yellow if it's that buttercup stuff. But colourless ?

No wonder it doesn't bloody work.

Comments

[venta.livejournal.com]

Whatever you do, don't take Lemsip, or you'll end up like Andrew Motion.

How very odd. Firstly, I can never imagine doing anything remotely creative when I have a cold. Secondly, Lemsip is absolutely vile.

Thanks for the wiki link - I failed because I searched for "cough mixture", which doesn't redirect to "cough medicine", and I didn't following enough links to locate that article.

Plastic cups suggest "real" medicine to me, and therefore greater illness. Wanna spoooooon!

[venta.livejournal.com]

Having now read the wiki link - the trouble is, the efficacy of cough syrup is compared against "placebo".

Now, I haven't read the trial data, but I'm guessing that the placebo will have been a sweet-tasting goopy liquid. Which is pretty much what I want for a cough - but the only format in which one can readily purchase it is... cough mixture.

Where do I purchase my ready-made sweet-tasting placebo goopy liquid ? Honey and lemon isn't the same when home made (unless you're practically drinking neat honey).

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

Glucose syrup? Should be available at your pharmacy, and actually might help a bit, as it'll be faintly soothing. Add food colouring and/or flavouring to suit.

[venta.livejournal.com]

OK, thanks, I might consider trying that.

Do you think it's marketable ? Venta's Patent Cough Placebo ? "Does you no good, but tastes lovely..."

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

You'd have to find a more scientific, more obscure way of saying "It does you no good", otherwise you'll be undermining your own placebo effect.
You could always advertise it by having lots of people saying "Well, they _said_ it woudn't do me any good, but I took some, and it tasted great,a nd three days later, I felt loads better".

Mind you, I have a feelin there's some research somewhere hwich suggests that placebos work better if they taste nasty!

[venta.livejournal.com]

Mind you, I have a feelin there's some research somewhere hwich suggests that placebos work better if they taste nasty!

Dammit, there's always some spoilsport scientist who actually finds out stuff like this.

I was hoping to market it to people who are well aware that cough medicine is ineffective, but still hanker after something which fills the same purpose (ie to be goopy and nice when your throat is irritated). It is possible this is too niche a market demographic, though.

[beckyl.livejournal.com]

Residual guilt complex that nothing that tastes nice can be good for you. See also attitudes to sensual pleasures in a Puritan derived culture. Can't find a sensible citation, but I'm in total agreement that there was some research about it done that came to that conclusion.

[beckyl.livejournal.com]

If you can get it - Bottle Green Spiced Berry cordial. Take as a hot drink (as in comfortably warm, not boiling hot) and feel the goodness happening to your throat.

http://www.bottlegreen.co.uk/Products/Cordials

Unfortunately, it tends to be only readily available in supermarkets near me from about November to February, and it's just expensive enough that I hesitate to stock up with the twelve bottles I think I should have for one a month.

I've yet to experiment with a bottle of neat ribena left to steep for a month or so with (the contents of) a packet of mulled wine spices in it, but I must get round to it, and will report back on the outcome...

[venta.livejournal.com]

That does sound nice - I'll have to try it if I see any for sale!

Sadly I doubt it fills my cough-treatment requirement, which is fundamentally gloopiness. Things like Ribena would be ideal if only they were a whole bunch more viscous.

[beckyl.livejournal.com]

Some kind of thickening agent in your cordial then - there's bound to be something that acts the same way as cornflour for drinks. No idea what it is, but there must be something.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Arrowroot.

[sea-of-flame.livejournal.com]

Glycerine?

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

I can report that hot ribena with three or four whole cloves chucked in is very nice, and soothing to a sore throat (cloves having mildly anaesthetic properties). I suspect just mulling ribena would work quite well, actually, especially if you diluted it with cider (or apple juice) rather than water.
Also, Greens ginger wine is _excellent_ for sore throats and coughs, and is suitably sweet and burn-y.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I've never encounter Greens ginger wine - I've always bought Stones when I've had it in. However, ginger wine is a fine idea, and I should pick some up on the way home.

Crabbies is OK, but I mistrust them for that nastily disappointing alcoholic pop they've just foisted on an unsuspecting world.

(Edited to remove inexplicable reference to Faust).

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

I suspect I mean Stone's green ginger wine, don't I?
That, anyway.

[j4.livejournal.com]

I failed because I searched for "cough mixture", which doesn't redirect to "cough medicine"

Ah! OK. I have put in a redirect. :-)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Thank you!
I do usually do minor edits like that myself, but wasn't sure quite where the line between "legitimate edit" and "customising for own personal use" came in that case!