Up and down the City Road, in and out The Eagle

[venta]

First, let me define soemthing: by popping round to see someone, I mean dropping by and knocking on their door without having formerly arranged to do so, and without having phoned ahead to check they're in and available.

Last year, j4 and addedentry moved into a house a few doors away from the one I was living in. "Pop round and see us", they said. Righty-oh, I said.

And I intended to. But when I was next in possession of a free evening, I found myself in the grip of crippling social anxiety: what if I went round, but they were busy, or had friends round, or were just planning a nice quiet evening in by themselves ?

Now, the obvious answer to any of the above is that they would probably have politely said this, and I would have trundled the 17 seconds or so home again. And despite my rational brain being well aware of this, I couldn't quite persuade myself that it was really true. I had lost my ability to pop :(

(Incidentally, my apologies to J4 and AddedEntry - the crippling social anxiety is in no way a function of their good selves, they are merely convenient examples :)

When I was a student, I would frequently wander round to someone else's house - and people frequently wandered round to mine. At some point - in my life, at least - this just tailed off. I know that this may in part be due to my pernicious habit of being out a lot; I remember people complaining that there was no point popping round to visit, as I was never in.

However, I think it's a wider phenomenon. Many people just don't pop. Many people, perhaps, don't live within convenient popping distance of friends any more - I realise I'm unusually lucky having three households I could visit within walking distance, despite living in London. Possibly four, actually, if I had more of an idea where frax and cardinalsin dwell.

I wonder that - being older - we just have more complicated lives. You can largely assume that a student won't be doing anything very important (they're students, for goodness' sake). They're likely to be at home. They'll probably the glad of the company. As a side note, a colleague informs me that popping incidence increases with the arrival of a baby; although a new parent is doing something important, they're also quite likely to be at home, and quite likely to be glad of another sentient being to talk to.

So... do you pop ? Would you like to, and do you live sufficiently close to people for it to be possible ? Would you be surprised if someone arrived on your doorstep unannounced ? Pleased ? Would you be comfortable telling them to go away if you were busy ?

Comments

Once you pop, you can't stop

[addedentry.livejournal.com]

I hadn't popped for a long time simply from living too far from friends to make it possible. When I lived in London, I was lucky to have a relative and a good friend each fifteen minutes away, and that's too long to take a chance.

You're right in one sense that all you'd have lost was twice 17 seconds if we hadn't been in; but would you also have mentally prepared yourself for half an hour of company? That's one reason I seldom telephone people on spec, as I either have half an hour of conversation, or one minute followed by a suddenly spare half an hour.

Anyway, I'm glad we popped in to see you before you left - and if you remember, you were in the bath...

Re: Once you pop, you can't stop

[venta.livejournal.com]

I don't think I mentally prepare myself for conversations (which lack of forethought may explain why I sometimes sound like a dribbling idiot) so hadn't thought of it like that.

I was in the bath, and you didn't appear offended when I declined company, and came back on a different day. So the strategy does work, it just requires people to be (a) brave enough to visit and (b) brave enough to say 'no' if visitors aren't welcome just then:)