Up and down the City Road, in and out The Eagle

[venta]

First, let me define soemthing: by popping round to see someone, I mean dropping by and knocking on their door without having formerly arranged to do so, and without having phoned ahead to check they're in and available.

Last year, j4 and addedentry moved into a house a few doors away from the one I was living in. "Pop round and see us", they said. Righty-oh, I said.

And I intended to. But when I was next in possession of a free evening, I found myself in the grip of crippling social anxiety: what if I went round, but they were busy, or had friends round, or were just planning a nice quiet evening in by themselves ?

Now, the obvious answer to any of the above is that they would probably have politely said this, and I would have trundled the 17 seconds or so home again. And despite my rational brain being well aware of this, I couldn't quite persuade myself that it was really true. I had lost my ability to pop :(

(Incidentally, my apologies to J4 and AddedEntry - the crippling social anxiety is in no way a function of their good selves, they are merely convenient examples :)

When I was a student, I would frequently wander round to someone else's house - and people frequently wandered round to mine. At some point - in my life, at least - this just tailed off. I know that this may in part be due to my pernicious habit of being out a lot; I remember people complaining that there was no point popping round to visit, as I was never in.

However, I think it's a wider phenomenon. Many people just don't pop. Many people, perhaps, don't live within convenient popping distance of friends any more - I realise I'm unusually lucky having three households I could visit within walking distance, despite living in London. Possibly four, actually, if I had more of an idea where frax and cardinalsin dwell.

I wonder that - being older - we just have more complicated lives. You can largely assume that a student won't be doing anything very important (they're students, for goodness' sake). They're likely to be at home. They'll probably the glad of the company. As a side note, a colleague informs me that popping incidence increases with the arrival of a baby; although a new parent is doing something important, they're also quite likely to be at home, and quite likely to be glad of another sentient being to talk to.

So... do you pop ? Would you like to, and do you live sufficiently close to people for it to be possible ? Would you be surprised if someone arrived on your doorstep unannounced ? Pleased ? Would you be comfortable telling them to go away if you were busy ?

Comments

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Ooooh I thought it was just me and my anxieties!

Before I became involved with soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-Gnomepants I would frequently "pop round" to my mate houses and say hello. They too would "pop round" on their way home from town (mostly to eat kebabs in my conveniently located adjacent to a kebab shop flat. It was a really good way of socialising.

Then in about 1998-99, I moved in with soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-Gnomepants and it all changed. People stopped "popping round", we stopped "popping round". It was very odd. At first I thought it was distance as I was living a little further away. Then I thought it was down to mates not liking soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-Gnomepants. But then my own insecurities grew and I thought it was because they didn't like me. What ever the reason my friends grew apart and I now entertain the "Let's book an appointment for you to come and visit" tactic.

Sadly...most of the time people say they're too busy on the days I suggest. So I've given up trying....perhaps it is me after all ;-)