We must play our lives like soldiers in the field

[venta]

Yesterday, I got into a Bad Joke Contest.

A Bad Joke Contest is a bad thing to get into with Bernard, because he knows very many bad jokes. Fortunately, so do I.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I wrap myself in cling film instead of wearing clothes.
Doctor: Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.

Unfortunately, a lot of them seemed to be the same ones. I'm sure I used to know millions of Doctor, Doctor jokes, but they mostly seem to have deserted me. Even more annoyingly, I knew some of the ones he told, but had forgotten the punch line. (The billiard ball joke was one I clearly remembered from junior school, but had to be told "Go to the end of the cue".)

Accordingly, I solicit your best (or worst) Doctor, Doctor joke. Just the one... and no sending me links to pages with a thousand and one of them.

My favourite remains one Ian Hislop told on HIGNFY some years ago:

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Well, I'm sorry, but we don't have any beds.

Comments

[mr-flay.livejournal.com]

I have heard a conflation of the Doctor joke and the blonde joke (apologies to the hundreds of highly intelligent blondes out there).

A Blonde goes to the doctor: "Doctor, I must have broken every bone in my body - everywhere hurts!"
The Doctor is dubious, so she demonstrates: she pokes herself in the arm, and squeaks with pain. She pokes herself in the head, and squeaks with pain. She pokes her tummy, her leg, her foot, and each time she is clearly in pain and distress.
The doctor puts his head in his hands and says wearily: "I see what the problem is. You've broken your finger."