We must play our lives like soldiers in the field

[venta]

Yesterday, I got into a Bad Joke Contest.

A Bad Joke Contest is a bad thing to get into with Bernard, because he knows very many bad jokes. Fortunately, so do I.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I wrap myself in cling film instead of wearing clothes.
Doctor: Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.

Unfortunately, a lot of them seemed to be the same ones. I'm sure I used to know millions of Doctor, Doctor jokes, but they mostly seem to have deserted me. Even more annoyingly, I knew some of the ones he told, but had forgotten the punch line. (The billiard ball joke was one I clearly remembered from junior school, but had to be told "Go to the end of the cue".)

Accordingly, I solicit your best (or worst) Doctor, Doctor joke. Just the one... and no sending me links to pages with a thousand and one of them.

My favourite remains one Ian Hislop told on HIGNFY some years ago:

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Well, I'm sorry, but we don't have any beds.

Comments

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

My current favourite (which I only heard last year or so) goes:

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a moth!
Doctor: You don't want me then, you should be seeing a psychiatrist.
Patient: I know, I was just on my way there, but your light was on...

Well done!!!!1

[ringbark.livejournal.com]

That one is the first new doctor doctor joke I've heard in years.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doc: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Since I was a puppy.
Doc: I see. Well, just climb up here on the couch.
Patient: But I'm not allowed on the couch.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'm suffering from a complete loss of voice.
Doc: Good morning, sir. How can I help you?

Doc: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doc: Well, you've got it again.

Initial consultations - $50
Repeat consultations - $20
Patient: Well, doc, here I am again.
Doc examines patient.
Doc: I recommend you continue with the treatment I recommended last time.

I'm really sorry for all this lot.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Indeed, that was the only one Bernard told last night which I'd never heard before, I think.