We must play our lives like soldiers in the field

[venta]

Yesterday, I got into a Bad Joke Contest.

A Bad Joke Contest is a bad thing to get into with Bernard, because he knows very many bad jokes. Fortunately, so do I.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I wrap myself in cling film instead of wearing clothes.
Doctor: Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.

Unfortunately, a lot of them seemed to be the same ones. I'm sure I used to know millions of Doctor, Doctor jokes, but they mostly seem to have deserted me. Even more annoyingly, I knew some of the ones he told, but had forgotten the punch line. (The billiard ball joke was one I clearly remembered from junior school, but had to be told "Go to the end of the cue".)

Accordingly, I solicit your best (or worst) Doctor, Doctor joke. Just the one... and no sending me links to pages with a thousand and one of them.

My favourite remains one Ian Hislop told on HIGNFY some years ago:

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Well, I'm sorry, but we don't have any beds.

Comments

[drdoug.livejournal.com]

- Doctor, doctor, are you sure this cream will clear up my spots?
- I don't want to make any rash promises.

- Doctor, doctor, I keep feeling an uncontrollable urge to cover myself in a thin layer of gold.
- I think you may have a gilt complex.

My favourites are the Doctor jokes from Viz from years ago, especially a sequence of two.

First cartoon shows a man in the doctor's consulting room, telling the doctor, "Doctor, doctor, I've got a pain in my chest." Right next to the man is a picture of a chest of drawers saying "Ouch!".

Second cartoon shows the same man in the same room, with a different piece of furniture. This time he's saying, "Doctor, doctor, I've got a pain in my Welsh dresser." and the doctor has his head in his hands.

[addedentry.livejournal.com]

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me.
Stomach: No you haven't!