Does my bum look big in this ?

[venta]

Hmm.
This isn't something I expected to hear myself say. It's certainly not something I expect you to bother reading. However...

Last week sometime, I tried on a pair of black trousers. They were my size, fitted nicely over the waist, were a little tight across the hips, unpleasantly tight down to the knees, then flared ridiculously over the ankles. Humph, I said.

This has happened a few times. Some dopey fashion designer decided a couple of years back that trousers should perhaps be skin-tight from hip to knee, then flare out. Lord knows why. Ask a passing thirteen year old, they all seem to be wearing them.

My reaction to encountering such unflattering trousers has been to put them back on the shelf and go looking for something nicer.

However. On Saturday, the trousers someone had ordered for Boojum's new kit arrived and were distributed. We wanted trousers which looked as much like our old ones as possible (ie black and largely lycra, no pockets, same fastenings), and the final choice had been made when I wasn't there. The trousers were ordered from a catalogue, and hey presto.

You can guess where this is going, can't you ?

I didn't like the design we chose in the first place (no pockets ? I ask you), and these are worse. Although they're clearly my size, they are far too tight round the thighs for me to be comfortable wearing them. Not only do they look bad, but as I move around they start to shuffle upwards and, not being loose enough to slide down again, end up in wrinkles at the tops of my legs. Bah. None of the others in the team has this problem.

So, what it boils down to is that my thighs are too large for these trousers, and I don't have much option but to wear them. Throwing a hissy fit and storming out of Boojum because they won't order new kit for everyone to suit me isn't my style. Besides, apparently the trousers "look fine" on me. I'm not, however, happy or comfy wearing them, and in about three weeks I will be doing so while standing on stages in various parts of Massachusetts. Since they were all bought together to match, buying myself an alternative pair isn't really an option. Since the material seems to be largely elastane, it's unlikely they'll stretch much, either.

I don't want comments saying "but you're not fat"[*], and as far as I'm concerned dieting can sod right off. If anyone has any practical methods of toning thighs in three weeks that might be useful, but to be honest I was really just having a bit of a whinge.

Why do people design clothes like this ? Not many people can wear them and look good, and an awful lot of people do wear them and look bad unnecessarily. They might, in fact, have been expressly designed to make slim people feel fat - and I really don't see who benefits from that at all. I'd blame a cynical fashion industry, but I can't think what they gain from it.

Special offer, unlimited time: Buy these clothes and get a free poor self-image.

[*] Although admittedly comments saying "well, you are fat" are equally unwelcome :)

Comments

[dmh.livejournal.com]

D'you know, there are no half-decent thigh shots of you on boojum.co.uk at all? :o.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I get pissed off with trousers like that. What you have to do is open up the inside leg seam about halfway down to the knees and under the crotch, and put in a sort of gusset thing, like in tights except sideways, then they fit fine. It also gets rid of the meeting of four seams in what's obviously a very convenient place for men (twixt dick and bollocks) but a very irritating place for women (right where things vulva become sticky-out).

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

n.b. I maintain that I must still be skinny because people keep giving me double portions in canteens and if I have the same problem as you, then you are skinny too.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I fear I lack your skill at dressmaking, and also I lack an overlocker which is probably needed to sew this particular kind of material.

I don't think I actually have a problem with the four seams in normal trousers, usually, though I guess that may get lost under the general heading of "it's not comfy, I'm not buying it".

[venta.livejournal.com]

Them's the old trousers anyway, or possibly even the preceding much-nicer-and-with-pockets-dammit trousers, so nothing to see there :)

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'll try that comment again now I've read the post again.

Overlocker, hmm, you don't really need them, they're just a cheaparse way of finishing seams really. If it's lycraish then zigzag stitch is needed instead of straight stitch, but once all the fabric is right it should go like a normal seam so you can just turn the seam over and sew it to the fabric. I could do it if you want, just stick them in the post. (Dangerous words to be saying there.)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much for the offer, but I'm not in possession of them at the moment. They've gone away to be shortened by some kind person who offered, as I was a bit wary of my incompetent efforts to shorten very stretchy flarey trousers so cravenly took them up on the offer rather than tackling it myself.

I won't get them back to consider alteration til we all meet up in America :(

[ebee.livejournal.com]

I've found excatly this problem when trying to buy some 'sensible black trousers'. Please let me know if you find a solution - granted I wont be rapper-ing in them but running after small children at day care centers.
All the best in America!

[venta.livejournal.com]

running after small children at day care centers

Careful, they can lock you up for that these days ;)

If you're seamstressly inclined, there's feanelwa's suggestion above - otherwise the answer seems to be shopping in places which aren't trying to cater to the 14 year old market. Sadly, that also makes them the expensive places, usually :(

Actually, the answer is clearly to buy trousers which are not at all sensible - luminous pink flowery combats and the like. I'm sure the kids would think they're great!

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Find some generous volunteer to massage your thighs a lot?

You can guess where this is going, can't you ?

[lnr]

IME thighs become disproportionately large if you're slim but muscley. I don't know if this is what it is in your case, maybe it's just one area where you're not the shape "normal" women are. I think many women find this in one respect or another. With my it's my waist.

I hate hipster style trousers but am beginning to think they might have to be then answer for me, since my waist is simply too big for the rest of me. I have one pair of jeans that fit on the waist and there's room for a whole extra bum in them, not to mention several pairs of socks in the front of my pants without anyone noticing. And the jeans which fit nice on my hips and are the right sort of size in the crotch and thighs are so tight on the waist I can't wear them without getting indigestion, unless I never sit down or bend over.

[keris.livejournal.com]

*grins*
I get that too (the big portions thing), and have the same problem with trousers. The ones I'm wearing right now are always uncomfy around the thigh when I put them on but fortunately stretch a bit once I've cycled to work in them...

[chrisvenus]

Ah. So my thoughts in seeing if the next size up work aren't really practical either then. Oh well.

[j4.livejournal.com]

I sympathise -- many of my trousers are too tight on the thighs (I blame the cycling!). And those that aren't are too big on the waist. And all of them are too long for me, but that's just because I'm short.

A possibly-ridiculous suggestion -- would wearing a pair of those shape/control tights underneath tuck the thighs in a bit? (Disclaimer: I have never tried them and have absolutely no idea to what extent they are effective.) It might also mean that the trousers slipped back down again after bunching up a bit, if the tights were sheer-ish. Does that make any sense at all?

Another ridiculous suggestion -- some kind of loops from the bottoms of the trousers to the tops of your socks/shoes might ensure that the trousers didn't ride up. Not sure how you'd do this, mind.

The only time I've had any success with hipster trousers was when I bought a pair for a fiver in a cheap-shop, not realising that they were hipsters; when I realised my mistake the shop wouldn't do a refund, so I sold the trousers on eBay (BNWT!), hoping to get back at least a smidgen of my stupidly-misspent cash ... and got 15 quid for them. :-)

Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, Through the streets in my half masts I'll go,

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Have you noticed how many short fat men there are? Well us tall fat men dont like them shorties....you know why?? Because you can always get keks at 40 inch waist to fit a short arse. But hardly ever to fit a tall chap.

It's degrading walking round in half masts!

"oooh nice shorts Mr Gnomepants!"
"No...they're my troos!"

I now know how Donald felt when he lost his troos.

Bah humbug. ;-)

[secondhand-rick.livejournal.com]

I don't want comments saying "but you're not fat"... Although admittedly comments saying "well, you are fat" are equally unwelcome :)

I'm confused. Are we allowed to call you a biffa or not?

Re: Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, Through the streets in my half masts I'll go,

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I have a similar problem with trousers - even when I get ones marked "long" I often seem to be an inch or two too tall. Which is odd, because I'm not actually particularly tall.

venta>

1) Any attempt at "toning thighs" (whatever that's supposed to mean) will of course make them bigger, not smaller.

2) Never might about thighs. Did you say NO POCKETS ?! That's insane ! I'm increasingly of the view that fewer than four pockets is barely tolerable, but NONE ?! It's enough to make a chap use multiple exclamation marks !!!

[condign.livejournal.com]

You're going to be in my neck of the woods? And you didn't tell me??? ;)

[secretrebel.livejournal.com]

I hear your pain.

But I do think you should have been able to try the kit on before you bought it. Feeling uncomfortable in clothes is horrible. Now I'm having flashbacks to those days at school when if you 'forgot your PE kit' you were forced to wear old badly-fitting kit from the spares box.


::: shudder :::

[wimble.livejournal.com]

You had a spares box? We didn't.

I'll see your shudder, and raise you.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Ah, guess that explains why you never replied to the email asking you if you'd be in NYC the weekend I am. Tell me your current email address of choice to elizabeth at blacktreacle and I'll try again.

[venta.livejournal.com]

You'll just have to try it and see if you like the consequences. Or not.

Re: Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, Through the streets in my half masts I'll go,

[venta.livejournal.com]

(1) You clearly know more about this dieting regime idea than I do. I figured exercise was supposed to make wobbly flabby bits go away. Probably to be replaced with muscle, but hopefully smaller muscle. Maybe not. I have no idea.

(2) I know :(
Sadly, when you're a girl you get used to it. Evenings dresses will have combat-style pockets when I'm dictator.

[venta.livejournal.com]

BNWT ? Rather than caveat emptor, does eBay advertise "Buyers Not Wary Types" ?

The tights might be a solution, but I imagine I'll be going for the "just put up with it" answer. I think ski-pants style loops'd only work it the trousers had been decided with up-down-stretchedness in mind.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I tried someone else's 12s on, and no. They definitely too big in the waist/bum department. That's what's so annoying - these trousers are meant to be for people my size.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't make suggestions on toning etc. They won't be useful. This shape is hereditary = I've been trying and failing to slim my thighs since before Venta was my bump! Given that so many of us have this problem, what cigarette-legged bastard of a designer decrees the shape of trousers>

[j4.livejournal.com]

Sorry -- "Brand New With Tags", a description which seems to transform even the ugliest and most pointless items of clothing into objects of desire.

Re: Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, Through the streets in my half masts I'll go,

[erming.livejournal.com]

So out of curiosity, what would be your other policies when your dictator?

Re: Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, Through the streets in my half masts I'll go,

[venta.livejournal.com]

"When I am dictator..." is a phrase I use often (http://www.livejournal.com/users/venta/64490.html).

When my benign and autocratic rule comes to pass I will enact a whole volley of legislation, which will do everything from decentralising government to banning the colour yellow (except for bananas).

[marjory.livejournal.com]

Language!

I refuse to say anything about thighs on the grounds that I will just start to think about the rest of my anatomy and try to strangle myself with the mouse cord.

One theory I heard about clothes which are supposedly for females being so unforgiving was that the majority of catwalk designers are gay and often have pretty young men in tow, hence the clothes aren't designed for anybody female wharsoever but really with young, slender boy-things in mind, which is a problem when your claimed market might have hips etc. Narurally your highstreet types copy the cut and...

Someone will accuse me of being homophobic now...