Yeah, that's why I can never understand any of those silly letters you send me

[venta]

I am easily entertained. This is not news. Just recently, I've actually been reading some of the spam that arrives at my old freeserve address.


I was curious about a mail whose subject line was "Do you crave to perceive valuable following morn ?". It turned out to be trying to interest me in hangover remedies (I think), and had presumably been translated by Babelfish after a bad night out:

"But our pills aids you avoid katzenjammers and wake sentient magnificent from head to abdomen and all over additional."

Wow! Now that very nearly made me follow the press-here-to-read-more. Dammit, I want to wake up feeling sentient magnficient from head to abdomen and all over additional. How could anyone resist ?

Mind you, that mail had assumed my name to be Fidelia Xaftlbe, which is not the sort of behaviour you want from someone making offers like that.

The latest volley of spam all seems to come from computer generated addresses, which have a proper 'name', but the part of the address before the @ sign is just a string of eight letters. Imagine my delight to be mailed by oocelotw! Not just an ocelot, but a computer-generated one! Disappointingly, it turned out not to be an ocelot at all, but an individual called Lena with poor sentence-construction and a habit of using "u" for "you". She thanked me for my mail and offered to send me a picture - generous, but disappointing when I'd been hoping for a big cat.

Today brings a mail from an Agatha - and you don't get many of those these days - telling me that "young and ruttish misses are waiting". While I fear that, if they are waiting for me, it may be a tediously long wait I am made extremely happy to see someone using the word ruttish. It is, perhaps, the kind of anachronistic and slightly coarse behavious one might expect from an Agatha.

However, I should make it clear that despite the number of offers in the past couple of weeks, I still don't want to buy a pre-owned Rolex watch. Especially not since I found my temporarily-mislaid Swatch this morning.

Comments

[eostar.livejournal.com]

I'm off to clear out my old freeserve account too, in the hope that I might get similar offers of substances that enable me to avoid katzenjammers and wake sentient magnificent from head to abdomen and all over additional. Definitely an offer not to be scoffed at :)

katzenjammers are indeed hangovers, they are also discordant noises, depression, and a comic strip.

But, wait a minute, no emails urging you to "Eat Cake" ...? ;)

[venta.livejournal.com]

no emails urging you to "Eat Cake" ...?

No need - cakebadger is still staunchly on duty this morning.

[venta.livejournal.com]

And indeed, lo, there was cake in the staff room this morning.
I brought a slice back to my desk with me, so cakebadger could see me eat it.

[zotz]

katzenjammers

See also the Einstürzende Neubauten song "Selbstportrait mit Kater".

[venta.livejournal.com]

Are you sure that it wasn't "discordant noises" that you meant to quote there :)

I'm not very well up on my Einstürzende Neubauten - can you recommend a good album to approach them from ?

[zotz]

Translates as "Selfportrtait with hangover", apparently.

What to get depends on what you're after. For the very harsh clangy stuff, try "Kollaps" or "Strategen gegen Architecturen". The more recent stuff's less harsh - Tabula Rasa, Ende Neu or Perpetuum Mobile are good. Try the latter, perhaps.

Don't buy anything on Some Bizarre, though. They won't thank you for it. Actually, that's a good general rule. I don't know of anyone who's put records out on Some Bizarre who hasn't slagged the label off in public.

[eostar.livejournal.com]

Translates as "Selfportrtait with hangover", apparently

Yes, that's the one, it's on Perpetuum Mobile, at least I think that's what this old worn tape is :) My German is really non-existent, but I can identify a plea for water, and a line that seems to refer to "drinking an astronomical amount of schnaps astronomen haben den schnaps im weltall entdeckt. But I may be taking liberties with the translation :)

[zotz]

It can't be that old. It only came out this year.

Very good song. Rather good album.

[eostar.livejournal.com]

No it's the cassette tape - it's been recycled more times than I can remember!(I still use tapes on occasion)

[zotz]

I see. Very virtuous. I can't remember the last time I used a tape. I have a couple of bags of the things kicking around still, though.

[zotz]

Astronomy has discovered the schnapps in space
Someone he or she had hidden it behind intergalactic clouds
probably marked for safety by a creative hand
so the space cleaning lady will not take delight in it
Sometime the clouds will breakup for me
and the beautiful women waiting behind
feed me with truthful truffles
Finally water me with the essence
of their heavenly appearance
until everything glows ruby red around me

According to their website.

[venta.livejournal.com]

My German is rusty and incomplete, but I think that's more along the lines of astronomers having discovered schnapps in the universe, or something.

Anyone help me out here ? wechsler ? secutatrix ?

[zotz]

Pah. See above. Misplaced comment. Should be here, obviously.

[eostar.livejournal.com]

Ah! Thanks for the lyric translation:)Barking up the wrong tree completely!

Still pondering the idea of space cleaning ladies with a taste for schnaps ;)