Anyone got any salmon? Lovely...

[venta]

Goodness me. I've just worked out how the rest of the world feels.

Ninety-nine times out of a hundred when I quote some kind of proverb or childhood saying, people look at me funny. They claim that instead of repeating a perfectly sensible saying, I'm spouting utter nonsense.

But today a colleague has just assured me that any injury, when he was a child, was greeted by the not-at-all-consoling remark "don't worry, there'll be a pig's foot there in the morning".

Weirdo.

And contrary to telling children rubbish about trotters to terrify them (apparently it did), we also have the truths we try to conceal from children. No, don't worry, eating pips from fruit is fine. They won't grow inside you. It can't happen. Oh, except for that guy in the US who grew a pea plant in his lung.

Comments

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

we were just talking about this at work. Since everything my parents have told me is clearly now wrong, I intend to spend this evening undoing my bellybutton, picking my nose and putting beans in my ears, confident in the knowledge that it won't make my bum fall off, cause my head to cave in or make me go deaf.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Interestingly, I don't think my parents ever got me to stop doing anything by telling me that a bizarre and unpleasant fate would follow. I think they were quite big on the idea of consequences, and if they said X would happen I could be pretty sure X would happen. Accordingly I got things like "don't pick your nose, it's disgusting".

However, courtesy of an ill-fitting pair of flip-flops a few years back, I ended up with identical scabs on each foot. Accordingly, I could test the hypothesis "if you pick it, it won't get better". Actually, both feet healed up at pretty much the same time.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Oh, we were told all sorts of things. We also got the usual food myths about crusts making your hair curl (which clearly worked) and carrots helping you see in the dark (which didn't).

[venta.livejournal.com]

I can assure you the crusts thing didn't work in the slightest :)

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

You must have been doing it wrong.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I blame the mother for making the bread with the wrong kind of crust.

[exspelunca.livejournal.com]

A mother's place is in the wrong (as was always chalked up on the kitchen blackboard)

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

Mine were also quite big on the idea of consequences, so I got things like "don't pick your nose, or you'll get a smack". Worked every time.

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

("Worked" in the sense that I did indeed get a smack, not in the sense that I gave up picking my nose.)

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

*laugh*

Overhead in the cinema the other day:

Frazzled parent: "If you don't share your sweets nicely, I'll take them back!"
Smart-arsed kid: "You can't, we've already eaten some!"

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Me to my own smart-arsed kid in same scenario: "ok, we'll give them to narenek then" [he eats all the leftover dinner if given the chance, as the child is well aware]
S-AK: "bum." *behaves*


They learn fast given the right threat.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

*lol*
Yeah, I've got a d_floorlandmine who happily hoovers up any leftovers. Including the portion you were saving for the next night's dinner.

[ylla.livejournal.com]

How on earth do you undo your bellybutton?
I don't think mine works like that :(

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

With a screwdriver. Or a butterknife in a pinch.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I've no idea, but I was always told that if you did, your bum would fall off. The mechanics of the operation were never discussed.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Were you also told that if you picked a guinea pig up by its tail, its eyes would fall out?

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

No, but we never had a guinea pig.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Neither did we, but my Dad told me regularly anyway.

Not having one, of course, I never realised they're tail-less.

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

Naughty naughty, very naughty.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Are you the great philosopher I've heard so much about?

[d-floorlandmine.livejournal.com]

Oh, except for that guy in the US who grew a pea plant in his lung.
Well, yes, but that went down the wrong way. The stomach is an untenable location for plant growth. The lungs, apparently, make pretty good propagators!

[venta.livejournal.com]

You try explaining the difference between the oesophagus and the trachea to a 4 year old refusing to eat veg ;)

[d-floorlandmine.livejournal.com]

They'd never sniff a flower again! [grin]

[rabbit1080.livejournal.com]

somehow i translated "horse's head" for "pig's foot" without really thinking about it. there's a small chance that i might be a bit odd.

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

Bet he's a bit pea'd off ! <- Silly comment

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

^^^ Pedantic comment

[venta.livejournal.com]

:P

[eviltwinemma.livejournal.com]

there'll be a pig's foot there in the morning

My mum used to say this!
I can also report that while picking your nose will not make your head cave in and bread crusts have no effect on hairstyle unless you leave them in a warm dry place until hard enough to use as rollers, it is possible to make yourself deaf by stuffing your ears with legumes (c.f. the opening chapter of "Captain Corelli's Mandolin").

[venta.livejournal.com]

Having consulted with my colleague: is your mother Welsh? He blames his Welsh relatives for threatening him with trotters.

Re: Disgusted of Tumbridge Wells

[venta.livejournal.com]

Hmm. You might be right. I'll have to dig my Shamen albums out tonight and check :)

I don't think there's any need to be ashamed. I'd be quite proud.

If I'd got it right, that is.

[exspelunca.livejournal.com]

The dad has just said he used to tell you if you picked ar a healing wound/scratch/whatever it would turn into a pig's foot - had you forgotten?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Apparently I had! Did he really say that?

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

I read in a book by Giles Brandreth that I had as a child how cyanide was made by plum stones and apple pips. I was a brave (often daft) boy, so after swallowing a whole plum stone followed by a couple of apple pips I discovered that doing so just made for a really uncomfortable poo the next day.