venta

So... ages back I promised a write-up of what happens when you try to play a game of conkers using sprouts on strings. This was one of Time Out's 101 things to do at Christmas, and it seemed like a good idea.

In the event, it didn't happen on Christmas day because everyone was too busy lapsing into turkey-coma in front of the fire. It was Boxing day before we took it on, and the mother decided she was far too grown up, so there were three competitors.

Obviously, we had to devise a strategy for the fairest way to have a three-person conker fight. Interestingly, a mathematician and a confirmed sciencephobe came up with the same answer, but the sciencephobe did it much more quickly and without using phrases like "will converge with probability one".

If you're interested, the strategy we came up with was as follows (for persons A, B and C).

A hits B
B hits C
C hits A
A hits C
C hits B
B hits A... and repeat.

I'm not sure that's as fair as it could be, but frankly a perfect game-theoretical solution was less important than vegetable-bashing. Also, any plan has to be a compromise between the ideal and the practical - we had enough trouble keeping track of whose go it was anyway.

Important facts:

1. Sprouts are softer than conkers. A really big knot in the string is necessary, or a few whacks will see the string pull through, and your sprout will whistle across the room.
2. Sprouts are harder than you think. It took a large number of rounds before we had someone knocked out.
2(b). Harder than you think. Getting hit round the knuckles still hurts.
3. Disintegration, and the abovementioned whistling across the room, mean that you will get bits of sprout everywhere. Everywhere! Do not attempt this in a room which has a carpet. Be prepared to clean up. Thoroughly. Before your mother sees the mess.
4. It's actually quite fun!
Additional: 5. Use fresh, raw sprouts. You're smart people, you worked that out, right ?

The contestants:

Sprouts ready for battle