You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me

[venta]

Walking round Tesco (pausing only to be amused by the sign which said "Stoned Fruit", because I'm very juvenile) I spotted on the fish counter some peppered mackerel fillets, 49p each.

Thinking they'd be nice in my dinnertime sarnies, and that they were very cheap, I bought a couple.

Standing at the checkout queue I observed the label the fish-counter lady has stuck on them: Hot Smoked Peppered Mackerel, Will Contain Bones. What?

After I'd paid, I went back to the fish counter to check. Yep, the label says Hot Smoked Peppered Mackerel Fillets.

And on my purchase: Will Contain Bones.

The thing about fillets, Tesco...

Post-buttie update: no bones. Halfwits.

(In case anyone's confused, the fish is cold. There's a process called "hot smoking".)

Comments

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Mackerel fillets do usually contain some bones, in my experience, just really really fine ones that you wouldn't even notice.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Really ? I'm usually quite paranoid about bones, and haven't ever noticed them in mackerel. It's one of the reasons I like it.

Anyway, I don't think I'd have objected if they'd said "May Contain Bones" in the usual arse-covering way. Or a warning about fine bones.

As it was, I nearly didn't buy the fish because I assumed I must have inferred the word fillet when it hadn't in fact been there.

[lathany.livejournal.com]

If mackerel contain unnoticeable bones, then I should make more effort to buy them.

I agree about the word "may".

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Much as I agree this is ridiculous I'm not sure it's Tesco's fault. The convention is now firmly established that consumers gets to complain about pretty much anything they can articulate and get compensated. So the word "fillet" is there to inform you that the bones have been removed, but "Will Contain Bones" is there to inform you that you can f*** right off if you were thinking about suing them over any bones you may locate having pretended to choke on them.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Again (see above), I'd agree if it had said "May Contain Bones".

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I see your point. I'm assuming the wording is to cover the fact that the small bones consistently remain in (and are typically harmlessly edible).

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

Will Contain Bones That May Be Imperceptible. Don't sue us if you can't find them!

[wechsler.livejournal.com]

"Will Contain Bones At Some Indeterminate Future Time"?

[drdoug.livejournal.com]

There's a process called "hot smoking".

... and I believe you can even find pictures of it on the Internet. With care.

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

There's a process called "hot smoking"

In which case surely it's Hot-Smoked Peppered Mackerel, not Hot Smoked Peppered Mackerel?

I suppose I should be grateful there was no apostrophe.

[venta.livejournal.com]

It should indeed be Hot-Smoked, but it isn't - at least, not on Tesco's labels.

Mind you, I have to admit that I only learned about that hyphen-when-adjectivicating rule a few months back. From a friend whose third language is English. Apparently her school actually taught her that kind of thing.

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

I think I learnt more English grammar from my French and German teachers than my English teachers.