You light up another cigarette and I pour the wine

[venta]

If I recall correctly, in one of the later Hitchhiker books Wonko The Sane built an asylum for the world after he discovered someone thought it necessary to print instructions on toothpicks.

I had a similar moment in Saisnbury's on Monday. You can now buy "ready to drink" wine. That is, a cardboard pack which contains two wine-filled plastic wine glasses, each sealed with a film lid.

Now, OK, if you're going on a picnic and want less than a bottle of wine and don't want to carry glasses, I can just about see that there might be a use. But really... quite apart from any environmental considerations of throwing away two plastic glasses, some film, and some cardboard just for two moderately-sized glasses of wine, I just can't help thinking that somehow the world has gone mad.

Anyone else up for living Outside The Asylum with me ?

Comments

Buh...

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I have no words.

("Delia Smith says to freeze leftover wine in incecube trays to use in cooking. Real women say, what leftover wine?")

Re: Buh...

[pm215]

On the other hand, for a non-wine-drinker that's quite a neat idea.

Re: Buh...

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. I can't remember which comedienne I nicked the line from, unfortunately.

(I'm assuming you mean the icecube tray thing and not the single-use wine set, which is clearly barking and outrageously wasteful. I bet it's not even very nice wine.)

Re: Buh...

[venta.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, some inner curiosity is urging me to try it to find out how horrible it is. I suspect very, but also I don't think I should encourage them into thinking people are willing to buy such nonsense.

Re: Buh...

[venta.livejournal.com]

Also, at £1.99 for two reasonable glasses, it wasn't as outrageously expensive as I'd expected. Which probably confirms that it really isn't very nice wine.

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

I'll come wiv yer!

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

That's what screwcap half bottles are for. This is a silly idea.

I also mourn the absence improvisational wine drinking skills implied by the existence of this product. Dawn and I still have two small, pink plastic beakers we acquired in San Francisco precisely because we had an "OK, we need something to drink this out of" moment. I'm struggling to imagine to question to which pre-filled plastic wine glasses could possibly be the answer.

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

You can now buy "ready to drink" wine

I saw these in a cash and carry and though kooky....I always thought wine was ready to drink, however years ago Suzi did look at me strangely for drinink from a bottle on the tube....but i belive she did lower her standards and join me eventualy !

Re: Buh...

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

Real women say, what leftover wine?"

Damn....I'm a real woman !

[venta.livejournal.com]

Sir, you are a model of sanity.

Re: Buh...

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Oi luv, nice tits!

[kissifa.livejournal.com]

I would have paid to hear the marketing guy/gal successfully sell that idea - whoever they are, they are clearly wizards who can warp the minds of people into believing whatever they say is really a very good idea.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I also mourn the absence improvisational wine drinking skills

How do you feel about the absence of improvisational wine-opening skills, skills largely lost to civilisation since the advent of screw-tops ?

While the challenge has gone, I think I welcome our new left-hand-threaded overlords. The improvising ended too often in broken glass.

Re: Buh...

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

There's another piece of evidence that I am in fact male.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Possibly another genius idea from the people who brought you ready-grated cheese and pre-cooked mashed potato.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Aside from the fact that I've always vaguely fancied the idea of trying sabrage, I don't see much wrong with screwcaps. Certainly when I feel like grumbling about perfectly good innovations I'm much more likely to direct scorn towards "synthetic closures" (or "rubber corks", as I prefer to call them).

Re: Buh...

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

Eye contact....Purleeease !

[wechsler.livejournal.com]

Possibly of the airfix variety.

Re: Buh...

[venta.livejournal.com]

Play fair, you never look people in the eye when talking to them! You look most people squarely in the top of the head :)

[wechsler.livejournal.com]

"Pre-eaten" can't be far off.

Re: Buh...

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

*goes and gets a chair*
*climbs on chair*
*experiences slight vertigo*

Oi luv, nice eyes!

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I've certainly had supermarket food the texture of which would suggest it had been 'pre-chewed'.

[rabbit1080.livejournal.com]

I buy ready-grated cheese, and keep it in the freezer so it doesn't go mouldy. For use on top of things wot get baked with crunchy cheese on top.
However, I draw the line at "instant" mashed-potato. I'd rather eat mashed-potato that tastes like potato :)

Btw, my last emergency-picnic purchase was a cheese-knife made of olive wood. In Tasmania. The blue-vein goats cheese was delicious.

[zotz]

Outside the Asylum?

Sounds good. I'm pretty sure I've got an EP by them. Weren't they on Earache?

[hughe.livejournal.com]

i've been trying to remeber beverly craven's name for aaaages but as soon as i saw the title it popped back into my head :P

i always forget that she's brittish too. not sure why.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

But is that only because their gaze is directed downwards towards his her décolletage?

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

It already exists! My daughter lived off pre-digested milk for months back when she was too ill for the regular sort. Her doctor dared me to try some, adding that in his opinion it's the most revolting thing he's ever tasted!

(She's fine now, so presumably the stuff was some good...)

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

This is one of many reasons I always carry a Swiss Army knife. (You can tell a cheap imitation Swiss Army knife because the corkscrew bit breaks the moment it hits cork.)

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

The improvising ended too often in broken glass.
Much better plan - just buy fizz :-)

I think I live not just outside the asylum but thoroughly on the outskirts these days. This makes me happy.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Much better plan - just buy fizz :-)

It's a good plan, though it is harder to put the cork back in afterwards. Yes, I know there's an obvious solution to that :)

I think I live not just outside the asylum but thoroughly on the outskirts these days. This makes me happy.

Hurrah! Good for you.

[venta.livejournal.com]

So, did you try some ?

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

It already exists!

Indeed: I think earth-folk call it "honey".

[venta.livejournal.com]

Or, in some particularly icky-sounding circumstances, coffee.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

So, did you try some ?

No!

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Welcome.

I came out here about the time they started selling packets of grated cheese.

[beckyl.livejournal.com]

Stephen Fry, QI, Civets?

[qatsi.livejournal.com]

I know there was all that stuff a few days ago about food waste and supermarkets not catering for small/single person households, but this is ridiculous!

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

This is precisely why I find the idea of honey revolting. Mmm, bee vomit.

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

I get that feeling every time I see that screw-top fizzy drinks bottles have 'open by hand' written on the top.

[ewx.livejournal.com]

That one could be partially excused by the terrible design of most graters. (I now have a well-designed grater, but you still see stupid ones on sale, in kitchens, etc.)

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

What, on grounds that people who use their teeth on bottles too stiff to open easily, deserve to die?

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

Happy days.

[thegreenman.livejournal.com]

How about cheese?

Milk thats been turned by bacteria then allowed to fester for a few months while more bacteria give it some flavour...

Wine and Beer are the product of Yeast based anaerobic digestion of the surgar content.

Bread and many baked goods. Ditto.

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

Yeast doesn't bother me at all - that's just plant-like, really.

The cheese thing - yes, cheese is seriously weird, but still less creepy than food that's been eaten by insects. I can't *see* bacteria, you know. They don't have giant mandibles.