They go together like a horse and carriage

[venta]

Has anyone else noticed that toiletries - and other cleaning products - seem to have gone a little mad of late ?

My current bottle of shampoo is coconut and sweet almond flavour. That doesn't sound too irrational. My conditioner is wheatgerm and cornsilk. Now wheatgerm I've heard of - though it's filed in my head under "weird-ass health-food" - but cornsilk is something of a mystery. On Wikipedia, cornsilk redirects to maize, which sounds a lot less glamorous.

Walking to the swimming baths the other day, zandev and I noticed an advert for washing powder containing "crushed silk and jasmine". Crushed silk ? Does that do any good, other than making the washing powder sound extra luxurious and like it will look after your clothes ? Oh, and probably putting the price up.

At the weekend, hanging out in Tesco, I observed that one can buy Lynx shower gel with "guava and volcanic rock extracts". Now which marketing executive looked at their shower gel plans and thought... it's good, but hey, wouldn't it be better if we put rocks in it ?

Accordingly, your challenge is to find the most ridiculous set of ingredients listed on the label of a toiletry or cleaning product. Post it below, and we'll put it to the vote... if possible, please include details of where you found it. We're not going to believe you about the roast marmoset and charcoal face cream unless you provide a link, a photo, or something in the way of hard evidence.

Comments

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

The volcanic rock will be a silly way of adding 'exfoliant particles' or abrasive. Hmm, maybe at some point there'll be volcanic rock toothpaste. In a similar vein but not i'm afraid cleaning products we have: http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/multimedia/2007/05/gallery_valueadding?slide=10&slideView=7 Including the pictured bling h2o.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I know why they put volcanic rock in. I probably wouldn't have been so amused if they'd said "guava and pumice". I guess the way to make shower gel appealing to men is to mention rocks instead of all this exfoliant nonsense.

Bling.

Just no.

[(Anonymous)]

Liz! This is amazing - take a look on my blog to see what I've discovered! Face cream - no; roast marmoset - no; but apart from that, not far off!

Cathy
xxx

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

There's some shampoo out there with cashmere in it. Insane. Rubbing my head with random bits of goat is not going to make me look like a goat...

[venta.livejournal.com]

Rubbing my head with random bits of goat is not going to make me look like a goat...

But would you want it to ? I can't really see you with a beard and horns, meself.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Well quite. Although horns sometimes appeal...

I can't see why anyone thinks it's a good selling point at all, though. Goats do have lovely hair, but it really only works on goats. Or when made into knitting yarn.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Do you have any idea why they include it ? Is there even vaguely any science behind it, or are we, the consumers meant to go "oooh... cashmere... that's fluffy and soft... it'll make my hair fluffy and soft". Sort of like a cargo cult in shampoo form.

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Some kind of doctrine of signatures, I guess. I can't see how it could possibly actually make any difference to hair, which is after all long dead by the time you wash it. All shampoo and conditioner can do is smooth it and make it smell nice, IMO.

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

I think cornsilk is the string stuff that clings to corn on the cob.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Well, I suppose that is kind of hairy, so vaguely appropriate for shampoo. Still not sure it's exactly desirable, though.

[waistcoatmark.livejournal.com]

There's toothpaste out there claiming to contain liquid calcium. Which either a truly dangerous thing to have in your toothpaste, or a bald-faced lie.

I assume that it's the latter, although given their recent predeliction for putting instant-mouth-ulcer-forming bicarbonate of soda in toothpaste, I wouldn't put it completely past them.

[venta.livejournal.com]

There was some toothpaste here for a while which boldly claimed "with the power of bicarbonate of soda!". I couldn't help feeling that bicarb was a rather weak end to that sentence. It started off all He-Man, then tailed off embarassedly.

Do you have evidence (or at least a brand name) for your liquid calcium ? Toothpaste with sodium in, now that would be fun...

[hjalfi.livejournal.com]

My brother's new wife uses toothpaste that is mostly made out of salt and baking powder.

http://chemistry.about.com/cs/howtos/ht/toothpaste.htm

I've tried some. It's... different.

Also, I have used shampoo in the paste where the label described it in such appetising terms that I actually had to taste it to prove that, yup, it was actually made out of soap.

[sea-of-flame.livejournal.com]

There's toothpaste out there claiming to contain liquid calcium. Which either a truly dangerous thing to have in your toothpaste, or a bald-faced lie.

That, I rather suspect, would be advertising being Bad Science - and actually means that they've got some form of squidgy calcium /compound/ in there, rather than the raw element. However.....

instant-mouth-ulcer-forming bicarbonate of soda

*blinks* This would be the same sodium bicarb popularly used as a raising agent in traditional baking? Admittedly it's usually gone through some chemical changes by the time it hits the mouth, but it's hardly what I'd view as a noxious chemical - practically, I've heard of undercooking causing rather more stomach upsets from the raw eggs, than the bicarb causing ulcers...

I went so far as to google briefly, in case I was being utterly insane here - and while I know google can be wrong, there was source after source actually listing sodium bicarb (either in connection, or actually applied direct as powder) in connection with mouth ulcers as a traditional remedy to soothe them, not a cause!

So, still confused...Source?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Liquid calcium fills in cavities, apparently:

http://www.amazon.com/Arm-Hammer-Enamel-Toothpaste-Defense/dp/B000GGJC84

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I nominate "Palmolive Bath & Creme Milk & Honey" (available from Mr Tesco).

Sounds harmless enough until you realise that honey is immensely sticky and exactly the kind of thing you take a bath to get off your skin. Not only that, but it will dissolve in water and make the whole bath slightly sticky. Even worse if you wash your hair in it.

Very bad plan. Avoid.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Palmolive Bath & Creme Milk & Honey

Well, that doesn't sound too irrational.

immensely sticky

Eewww!

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

But I think honey is slightly antiseptic, so is a 'traditional' (ie, might have been used but we have no evidence) cleaning agent.
But then again I've heard that eggs are good for your hair (gives it a good shine) but I wouldn't want them on my head.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Honey as antiseptic ?! Please tell me they weren't applying it to wounds !

[venta.livejournal.com]

Glues open wounds shut a treat, y'know. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey#Medicinal_uses_and_health_effects_of_honey)

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

They still do - it's an antibacterial. Good for the skin, too (I often make facepacks that involve honey and yoghurt when my skins a bit dry and lacklustre).

[dr-bob.livejournal.com]

Yep. There's so much sugar in honey that the osmotic effect sucks all the water out of the offending bacterium. It's probably not so effective once you put it in a bath, 'though :o)

[marjory.livejournal.com]

Let me see...

* face wash with ginger and lemongrass - it works, but smells like thai food
* big German cheat thingy here as germans believe in the efficacity of yoghurt in all things, including peach, berry, lemon or lime yoghurt shower gels and lotions (I'd have thought that we'd all end up smelling like gone-off milk...)
*handcream made out of deer antlers (wrong on so many levels)

[venta.livejournal.com]

*handcream made out of deer antlers (wrong on so many levels)

Where's yer evidence ? Does it make you grow extra fingers ? I figure at the very least, over time, your fingers should get prongier.

[marjory.livejournal.com]

I got it wrong. The product is branded as Hirschtalg (deer tallow/suety stuff) although I can't see any in the ingredients. Still not the loveliest of images, nontheless...

[marjory.livejournal.com]

Ooh! And at the hairdresser's I tend to get attacked with products containing urea, although this ingredient isn't advertised as part of the branding (Pisso-shine! Now with extra wee!). This is a good reason to avoid hairdressers.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

There's just been a very interesting study done on deer antler regeneration, actually... it's the only mammalian organ that can complete regrow if damaged or shed.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

There's a place in London that does a hair conditioning treatment made of bulls' semen. That's a salon treatment rather than an over-the-counter product, though.

You've heard my rant about Boswelox, right?

[(Anonymous)]

You've heard my rant about Boswelox, right?

Er,... no ? In fact, I've not even heard of it. Unless it's another name for Botox ? (Which I haven't heard your rant on either, but at least I could mabe construct one for myself :)

And bull's semen ? I'm torn between "ewww", and wanting to try it just so's I can say I did.

[venta.livejournal.com]

And now with the logging on.

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

By coincidence I was laughing at the 'Limited edition' Imperial Leather shower creams in Sainsbury's last night. Who rushes out to buy limited edition toiletries? Well, me, since their entire range was half price at 74p a bottle. There was 'Japanese spa' and Thai something or other, but I went for the one with seaweed in which was called 'Tahitian Retreat'. For goodness' sake.

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

I find limited editions really annoying, because if you happen to find one you like, you can never buy it again!

[(Anonymous)]

I did put a comment on here earlier, but the marmoset must have eaten it!

If you have a look at my blog, you will see the amazing find I found at Somerfield! Not quite roast marmoset and charcoal face cream, but not far off!

Cathy
xxx

Roast Marmoset face cream...

[(Anonymous)]

Hey Lizzie (I'm bored at work today - yes, I know, I'm lucky that I've got work to be bored at)- but in Austria they sell massage cream made of marmot oil. The box went into detail about the very excellent qualities of marmot oil which the industruous little marmot builds up all summer, in order to keep himself warm throughout the winter... Apparently it's very pure, just the job for rubbing into those aching limbs. Got some samples if you're interested - too scared to try it m'self .... :)

Ang