One foot in the grave

I have hurty feet. Does anyone have any advice ?

( The long version. Not exciting, but does tangentially involve pirates )

I know what it means to work hard on machines

I need your help. Yes, yours.

Could you tell me - before you read what's under the cut - what you think constitutes a machine. Include any specific things it must or must not have. You may continue in comments if a textbox isn't long enough.

[Poll #1186515]

( Why do you ask? )