She became so sad and lonely, became Joy in name only

[venta]

Did I mention before that I think spam is great ? Today I got a mail warning me that "We indicate suspect activity at your bank account. Your account has been frozen, for fraud prevention."

This isn't all that remarkable. The delightful thing was that the mail then recommended I "follow instructions how to defrost your bank account". My poor little chilly bank account! I shall knit it a scarf.

However, spam is also useful. Roleplayers, writers, or jokers stuck for character names ?

Over the last month or so I've been getting a steady trickle of mail offering me enlargement, reduction, drugs or software from a string of very likeable-sounding people.

As a result of making their acquaintance, I can now supply a name for every occasion.

I forget what Spicy J. Improvidence offered in her mail; I imagine her, however, slinking across a smoky bar, her cocktail dress gleaming in the lamplight and a plume of smoke trailing gently from her elegant cigarette holder. She has a wicked sparkle in her eye. She'll probably make short work of Headset H. Motivational, the young, go-getting team leader who's escaped from his cubicle-world for a quick drink before heading home. Both are keen to avoid Lollygags O. Delores. Aging, demanding, and constantly broke, her company is as welcome as her shabbily applied make-up.

Whatever should we call that golden-armoured battle-leader striding towards the horizon ? Well, I think Warmonger L. Helios would be a fine title. He's bound to defeat the fresh-faced young lad, Fledgling R. Simpleness, leading the army of children.

Oh, it's mad scientists you need ? How about Ruckus S. Electroplates, and his scholarly friend, Uncharacteristic U. Quadratics ?
Members of the clergy ? Triptych L. Presbyterianism or Canister S. Diocese.
A secretary, competent and self-effacing ? Brenda H. Noticeboards.
A judge, aging and a little portly ? Whiskers Q. Brushwood. And his gentleman, Thinning T. Clunkers.

Some of them even make quite good curses. Splintering H. Godforsaken! Definitely expressive of exasperation. I shall begin using it at once. Or, when one's tolerance has reached its absolute limits, Incriminate L. Almighty!

I have buckets of these names. Wouldn't you like to meet Burnooses K. Stochastic ? Share a late night snack with Satan K. Gastronomy ? Go on a crazy evening out with Resonator Q. Thrashed ?

Who would win in a debate between Covenanted A. Flannel and Deriving K. Inapplicable ? An arm-wrestle between Puffball S. Amendment and Conjuring K. Limply ?

Names, names, roll up and get yer names!

Comments

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

Ah, good old U² Quadratics...

[liriselei.livejournal.com]

"...within her breast there launched an unnamed sorrow,
and a dark and grim force set sail..."

a fine, fine song.

you do hear from what sounds like an interesting bunch of people - you should hold a party and invite them all so we can get to meet them !

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

The vast majority of spam at my work is related to me winning on a lotto that I've never played.

How lucky is that? Some times I'll get 5 or 6 of them....Tell you....i'm minted me ;-)

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Burnooses K. Stochastic

I'm pretty sure he wrote one of my undergraduate textbooks...

[secretrebel.livejournal.com]

Covenanted A. Flannel would surely win the debate. There's a name with depth, a name to rule nations with, a name to be sung in song and praised in story.

I wish my spam came from such exciting people.

[shrydar.livejournal.com]

You get all the fun names.

I just get the likes of Cyrus Robbins, Russel Henderson, Neal Browne, Letitia Ware (ok, that one's good), Steve Kaplan, Evangelina Compton, Desmond McLaughlin, Donnie Washington and Robyn Santos.

Oh, and Juana G Gunn. That one could go somewhere.. A sexy Mexican gun runner perhaps?

[(Anonymous)]

Splintering H Godforsaken. I shall adopt it from now on and stop shocking those who think wrinklies don't swear.

[chron-job.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the off topic post.... but...

Some time ago in your LJ you pointed out an online article about a book popular in the middle ages, I think, that is the origin of lots of wacky collective noun names for animals (Pride of Lions, Sleuth of bears, etc.)

A quick and dirty google search hasn't found it for me again. Any key words you might remember to help me out? A friend is interested.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Aye up...

I don't know how one might go about obtaining a copy of said book, but I found it referred to here:
http://www.randomhouse.com/wotd/index.pperl?date=19991207
Which should provide a starting point. Hope that helps.

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Did I mention before that I think spam is great ? Today I got a mail warning me that "We indicate suspect activity at your bank account. Your account has been frozen, for fraud prevention."

This isn't all that remarkable. The delightful thing was that the mail then recommended I "follow instructions how to defrost your bank account". My poor little chilly bank account! I shall knit it a scarf.

Heh. I've not actually seen that one. That's up there with 'Today our system of safety at night has been cracked!!! It not a joke!!! It is the truth!!!' :)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Well, anything with that many exclamation marks must be the truth.

[venta.livejournal.com]

One kudo to you, sir.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Covenanted A. Flannel would surely win the debate.

Nah, his arguments would be too vague, he'd ever manage to match the fearsome rhetorical skill of Deriving.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Juana G Gunn. That one could go somewhere.. A sexy Mexican gun runner perhaps?

Nah, a wannabe exotic dancer from Tunbridge Wells.

[shrydar.livejournal.com]

:)