So if you'll serve I'll be on my way

[venta]

In recent months, I've been trying to save money a little. The nasty downside of this is that I've had to spend less. Spending less means I can't buy myself a new album just because I fancy it, or something new to wear just because I see it in a shop.

As a result, I've been trying to find new, low-budget ways to entertain myself. Just in case anyone else is in a similar situation, I present:

Elizabeth's Guide to 99p Fun

So far, my top recommendation is something that probably won't come as a surprise to many: if you buy them the week they're released, a 7" single costs (in general) just 99p. It's some time since I rediscovered the delights of vinyl, and it's taken me a little longer to remember about singles. Obviously, this option is no Fun if you don't have easy access to a record player.

So, what do you get for your 99p ? Well, a 7" plastic disc and around two songs, or course. Which is, of course, a reasonably good deal in itself. It's cheaper than you'd get from iTunes, and you get to satisfy the sneaky capitalist streak most people have which makes them enjoy handing over money in exchange for a new and shiny object.

A couple of weeks ago, I bought the Hard-Fi single Tied Up Too Tight. I got a single I liked. I got an extremely bright yellow 7". I got a cover ofThe White Stripes' Seven Nation Army on the flip side. That's a pretty good deal for 99p.

More recently, I bought The Secret Machines' The Road Leads Where It's Led. As I often do, I'd remembered the name Secret Machines and filed it for further checking without actually remembering anything about them - including what the song sounded like. So, I slid the record out when I got home and was immediately surprised to find that one side of it was blank - completely smooth black plastic. Which left me with the dilemma of what speed to play it at - there were no markings, so I opted for 45.

... and I heard a quite fast, high-pitched song which centered around the lyric "...blowing all the other kids away". It seemed interesting enough. Later, it dawned on me that fast and highpitched = should have been played at 33, so had another go. The one lyric I remembered was nowhere to be heard. I tried again, listening carefully. Nope, played at 33 there was only one song on the record, and it didn't contain that line. I began to make signs against witchcraft.

A fourth or fifth attempt suddenly revealed the truth - both the single and the B-side are on the same side of the record, on concentric grooves. When you put the needle down, it's pure chance which song you hear. An interesting idea, though The Secret Machines have probably annoyed DJs up and down the land. However, you've got to admit they provide a lot of Fun for under a quid.

If you're like me, you get through a lot of books. This means either keeping the likes of Borders in business practically single-handed, or parasiting off friends who do that. I'm increasingly disappointed in the second-hand bookshops round Oxford; they seem to me to be too expensive to have the fun of browsing and buying things on the off-chance. 2/3 of the original price may be reasonable for a paperback in good nick, but it's not what I want from a second-hand bookshop.

My solution to this is to browse the odd rack or shelf of second hand books to be found in most charity shops. Not Oxfam - their books are always pricey - but most others seem to aim low in the hopes of shifting stock. The racks are usually full of dubious out-of-date non-fiction, or Cookson-esque sagas aimed at the blue-rinse brigade. However, all is not lost. For around 70-80p you can usually get yourself a charity shop whodunnit, which is ideal. Whodunnits are, in general, inherently disposable items. Most are fairly inferior, and are something you'd only want to read once. So read 'em, give 'em back; you get your Fun and they don't even need to take up any space on your shelves at home. If you have discovered one of the odd gems, then hurrah, a great book for 80p - and you should tell me about it, too :)

If you're of the frivolous and slightly vain persuasion, then somewhere like Superdrug will provide you with one or two individual sachets of face mask or similar visage-enhacing goop. Even fairly luxurious brands are often under a quid when sold in bite-sized quantities.

Admittedly, that sort of thing is unlikely to be to everyone's taste, but if it appeals, then why not ? They come in all kinds of varities, with professed different properties, different life-affiriming claims and different random fruit extracts. And even if you're not particularly into pampering yourself - you've got to admit that a licence to smear mud all over your face is definitely Fun.

For well under 99p you can buy a picture postcard of your local area (or somewhere more exotic) and a stamp, and send someone a postcard. If the idea of posting daft things, silly limericks or just a quick sketch of your day doesn't sound like Fun, then think of the long-term investments. If you write to someone, they might write back - and hey, three weeks later you get an entirely unexpected slice of Fun dropping through your door.

Similarly, most landlines will let you (especially on a weekend) have a fair old chat for 99p or under. So call someone you wouldn't ordinarily call for a chat - phone your mum, tell her what you've been up to and listen to what she's been doing. Phone a friend you haven't seen in months, or call an elderly relative who'd love to hear from you.

If you live near an amusement arcade (of the seaside kind, not the Noble's kind) you can have up-to-98p fun by changing your money into tuppences and playing on the tuppeny falls. Actually, if you live in London, the Trocadero has a reasonable variety of tuppeny games. You can spin 50p's worth of tuppences into really quite a long playing time on a set of tuppeny falls, and get a bizarre sense of achievement when you manage to win 14p back in one go. I believe keris and I once managed to kill over an hour in this way (while waiting for a train) with just 50p each.

Since it currently isn't the season, and I don't live near a specialist shop, I've not been able to track down how much a packet of small sparklers would cost. I suspect it might be under a pound (looking at prices online for large sparklers and extrapolating). And really, everyone with even an ounce of sense loves sparklers. Combine with a friend or two and some form of hot drink, and you've got a guaranteed half hour or so of Fun in the garden. A daylight (and even cheaper) alternative is a bottle of bubble mix.

Once you start considering food, there are a whole range of Fun things to be had. I'll stick with just listing one for now: about 70-80p will buy you a bag of chocolate buttons and a couple of bananas, allowing you to make chocolatey baked bananas. Slit your banana (in its skin) lengthwise, but don't cut completely in half. Stuff with buttons, wrap in foil, and bake in a hottish oven for 10-15 minutes. This is, of course, much, much more Fun if you have somewhere you can build a small fire and cook them in the ashes round the edge.

Does anyone have suggestions to add ? Here are the criteria I was applying to what was a suitable candidate to appear in the 99p Fun Guide:

• Must be Fun :)


• Must cost 1p or more, but no more than 99p
  Yes, there are loads of things which don't cost money. And many of them are also Fun. But that's a different category of thing


• Shouldn't require an initial outlay of more than 99p either
  So no having Fun twice for £1.50 ;)


• Shouldn't require another person
  A lot of my things would be more Fun with company, but don't actually rely on it.

Comments

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Buy 99 penny sweets (if they still cost a penny), eat them all and giggle insanely at the sky for half an hour.

Buy a row of baby runner beans from the market for 89p. Have good healthy outdoor fun planting them, and put away the squee value of picking and eating your own beans in a few months' time. (Also applicable to packets of seeds.)

Buy some silly-looking buttons and replace the boring buttons on a shirt. When you go to the pub people will laugh at your buttons. Not only do you get fun, but it's transferable fun, and good more than once. I admit that this may be a little sad.

Buy 19 5p buttons and use the remaining two 2ps as launchers in a game of tiddlywinks.

Buy a random ball of wool from the 'this is utterly hideous, give us 50p and make it go away' sale rack outside the sewing machine shop (or buy two from Save the Children) and play with a kitten.

Buy a pack of hammer-in eyelets and put them onto a piece of clothing that was previously too small. Hammering things is always fun.

[erming.livejournal.com]

damned.

There goes my suggestion of emailing your local club's dj and offering to do a guestslot with your music collection. That way you get to hear the music you want on a loud sound rig and get paid admission and some small amount of beer money.

You can also borrow cds from friends along with books (I'm currently lending people a Magnum album, 4 Rammstein cds, a Tanzwut album and a Tanzwut DVD) and have borrowed an Angelzoom cd.

Go to the local library and borrow some books / do a bit of web browsing.

Go on a scenic walk with a packet of Werther's original sweets. Without too much effort you can make each sweet last 20 mins or so, so you can have a good walk for about 50p. Longer if you get 2 packets.

I like the idea of a postcard one (was chuffed to get a postcard from Morph).

Have a nice long hot bath with some bubblebath (99p from my chemist).

Explore local newsagents looking for sweets you remember from when you were younger. I found sherbet fountains at one store, other people have found flying saucers, etc.

[erming.livejournal.com]

Oh also go to local markets at church halls.

You can find some bargins, though you often have to pay 50p to get in. At the very least you'll be browsing for ages.

[erming.livejournal.com]

Oh you could also have a half decent conversation by text message. With a lot of talk plans that's at least 9 text messages, or if you have a funky phone a picture or two.

[neilh.livejournal.com]

on the same side of the record, on concentric grooves
Oddly enough, it was not long ago that I was pondering that this would be possible and wondered if anyone had actually done it. Indeed, it'd give you some *really* good effects if it were to be scratched and jump between the two tracks...but I'll leave that as an exercise for the more artistic.

[ringbark.livejournal.com]

IIRC, John Cooper Clarke did the same around 1979. It was a 50/50 chance whether you heard "Splat", a clean version, or "Tw--", a rude version. that probably annoyed the radio DJs too, but for a different reason.

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

on the same side of the record, on concentric grooves
Oddly enough, it was not long ago that I was pondering that this would be possible and wondered if anyone had actually done it.

You can get records of horse/dog racing commentaries which have a different winner for each groove for race nights in your own home!

[erming.livejournal.com]

depending on the pub, buy half of a soft drink and sit reading the papers / brewery info / camra blurb in the pub.

The Oakdale Arms is handy for that for me, as it is 30 mins walk away and 80p for a half of pinapple juice is good value.

[timeplease.livejournal.com]

both the single and the B-side are on the same side of the record, on concentric grooves. When you put the needle down, it's pure chance which song you hear.

Wow, neat trick. Wish I'd thought of it!

Since you can play vinyl, it is now obvious what I should send you in return for the mix CD you sent me (appreciated, by the way): the EP I was involved in producing when I was 17. I'm still not entirely embarrassed by it.

I wonder what the best way of posting 7" vinyl is...

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

-Use one of those 'do not bend' envelopes
-give it to me at E-J's party (if you're going) and I'll send it through a chain of goths, although this will take far longer.

[venta.livejournal.com]

in return for the mix CD you sent me

Hmm... since the mix CD was in return for the magazines you sent me, I can see us getting trapped in a spiralling wotsit of gratitude at this rate :)

Still... I'd be intrigued to hear it. You're quite a multitalented chap, aren't you ?

[jiggery-pokery.livejournal.com]

Buy a loaf of bread and feed ducks with it. If you buy nice bread, eat whatever the ducks don't want.

This assumes that shoe leather and/or bus fares can be bought from the change from a loaf of bread, plus the existence of convenient bakery and duckpond. Still, though.

[snow-leopard.livejournal.com]

Its not 99p fun, but its my answer to cheap books Green Metropolis all paperbacks sell for £3.75 and (crucially) you can sell your books on there and get £3 for each one (so really its a £0.75 read). So, sell 5 books and you can buy 4!!! They also donate 5 pence from every book sold to the woodland trust so you get the feelgood helping the environment feeling as well!

[j4.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Have you ever managed to sell a book through these people, then? I tried loads (all like-new) and didn't sell a single thing. Would be reassured to know that a real person has managed to sell something & it's not just a big con... :-/

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I get the impression that our nation's libraries are failing dismally when they get so little attention as a potential solution to paying less for a book to read !

[venta.livejournal.com]

Well, in this case they didn't meet the "must cost 1p or more" criterion.

But yes, they do fail me - I have to get to the correct library when it's open, which isn't easy, and then I have to do it again to get the book back on time or risk a fine.

Now if someone would do a papaerback version of this DVDs by post idea that's all the rage just now...

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

Libraries' locations and opening hours are not always very convenient for people who work outside a town centre... Combined with the short loan times, the ideal is to be able to combine a library visit with your regular town-centre shopping -- but working middle-class types don't really do regular town-centre shopping these days.

Our local libraries here now have a system where you can renew your books for free online, which is a considerable boon.

[missymodee.livejournal.com]

Some great ideas, with the postcard one being my fave!

My suggestion - get a pack of 3 wine glasses from the 99p shop (Pallasades B'ham) personalise them with old nail varnishes for your lovely friends - who will then happily provide the wine free of charge!

[venta.livejournal.com]

Ooh, nice one with the wineglasses. For those of us who don't live in Brum I believe Tesco does a nice line in Value wineglasses.

[ebee.livejournal.com]

This might be one of those things that only makes sense or can be defined as fun in the world of me but I recommend the Ego Enhancing Colouring Book.
A cheap colouring book with nice happy shiney people can be purchased from around 11p in most newsagents leaving money for some cheap felt tip pens or crayons as such is your whim. A stationary-tastic half hour can be spent rooting through old desk draws at home for the best coloured highlighters, errant gel pens etc or theiving from small children.
Settle yourself with the colouring book, some chirpy music and get stuck into some colouring in. An apparently benal activity becomes an expression of perfection (a topic to ponder the existance of during your colouring in meditations..) as you manage to stay within the lines in a way you never could in years before. Its simple, relaxing and is something anyone can become utterly competant at for a half hour (how oftern can we claim that?). The end result can be brandished impressivly at small children to make them cry that they cant do it as well as you can...if you go in for that sorta thing. Alternativly write a cryptic letter on the back to prove you've not worn holes in the page and leave it somewhere to be found by a small child and create the existance of a spy club outside your home to monitor your evident Skillz.

Alternativly, pop down to the local volunteer bureau and pick an activity of interest to potter along to for an afternoon/evening and get a nice karmic reward for no cost (any should be reimbursed) and much gratitude from the placement coordinator.

A half hour on the playground swings is a good way to burn some energy in an easy way, do some elemental workings and getthe feeling of flight laden exhilartion a £22 ticket to Alton Towers costs you.

Sparklers can be purchased at very reasonable prices and quality from Natural World (unsure of the Oxford location) which is located behind the Oracle near the Pret in Reading. They also sell playdough (get in touch with your hands and have some RSI releif whilest watching TV?) and a great range of 99p pocket money toys inc the GIANT zebra ballons which can entertain many in a park for a few hours- light sabre esque battles with 4ft ballons is hilarity guarenteed.

Other suggestions include the do something random idea- think Dom Joly and see how far the imagination can take you. Penguins idea of toll booth fun costs £1 but is well worth the fun..

[j4.livejournal.com]

Dear venta,

Soon after reading your excellent article I went to Sainsburys. On entering the shop, what should I see before my eyes but packs of two CHERRY BAKEWELL TARTS for 99p... and, as if that wasn't enough, said packs were buy-one-get-one-free! So that's four cherry bakewell tarts for 99p. If that's not fun, I don't know what is.

Yours,
Easily Pleased of Cambridge

[venta.livejournal.com]

Wow. Indeed, that is positively 99p Heinous Depravity.

[(Anonymous)]

Buy a daily/local newspaper (weekend papers break the 99p rule). Bone up on the news, with the ability to go over it again if you don't catch the drift the first time. There's also, almost certainly atm, a sudoku, plus at least one crossword, and there may be free entry competitions to win a meal at local restaurant, year's supply of widgets etc, as well as money-off coupons in adverts. Also, you'll help keep me and my kind in a job!!!

[erming.livejournal.com]

You could buy a paper to bone up on the news and find a pub with a free to enter pub quiz. Fun for ages and if you win you get a prize.

Though I believe it's customary to skip buying the paper and to buy a small drink instead if your skint.

[marjory.livejournal.com]

Buy a pad of paper or a notebook/exercise book. Maybe treat yourself to a pencil or exciting new biro. Run wild! Fill it up with whatever crap you like! (I wander around with a cheapo exercise book in my bag for those times when I don't have a diverting-enough book or when I don't just want to read and have to wait somewhere.).

If you want to involve others, fill it up with role-playing stuff.

Actually, maybe this is just because I like stationery...