venta

I've just excavated the box on top of the wardrobe in which Eyeore, Bagpuss, Bartholomew Flockless and a gorilla whose antecedents I don't currently remember live.The poor dears were very dusty, so I've just been standing in the garden smacking Eyeore on the arse. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself for the rest of the day.

However, also in the box was a problem which has been in search of a solution for some years. My New Model Army jumper.

While a student, I persuaded the lady who knitted the jumpers which used to be sold in The Celtic Shop to knit me a black jersey with the red-and-white knot from the front of Thunder and Consolation on it. Apparently this was something of a challenge, because when knitting on a machine it isn't usual to put more than two colours on one row - several people had told me it couldn't be done.

She measured me, and asked me how long the jumper should be. I gestured to somewhere just below the hips. And here came the problem of poor specification: to me, it was obvious that a jumper of that length would be big and baggy. She, however, had been planning a reasonably fitted jumper, and just extended it.

Gravity did its work once I started wearing the jumper, and I now have a close fitting jumper which is nearly down to my knees. If you can't imagine that - well, it looks, frankly, ridiculous. Before you ask yes, I have considered wearing it as a dress; I feel that would look even more ridiculolus.

I've tried washing it and drying it in such a way that it ought to stretch horizontally - but it just doesn't make enough difference. Maybe I should find a fat bastard and ask them to wear it for a week or two :)

Ideally, I'd like to make it wider, and shorter. I'm not sure that it's at all possible to shorten jumpers. Or how to stretch them effectively.

Any (sensible) suggestions gratefully appreciated.