Like a key that could use a little turning

[venta]

I've just been reading an article about the threat posed to companies by sysadmins, and the trouble they can cause when they leave. In it, the writer draws the analogy to his own son who, on moving out of the family house, will be required to leave his doorkeys behind: "Just because he lived here does not mean he's entitled to just walk in when it suits him."

Which surprised me. I still have a key to my parents' house, despite having not significantly lived there in a decade. I feel it would be impolite just to walk in unannounced (not to mention impractical - our respective abodes are a couple of hundred miles apart), but in theory I could. When I visit, I let myself in rather than ringing the bell. Occasionally I stay there when my parents are away, though I do ask in advance.

Observation of a limited number of friends in the environs of their parents' houses has suggested that they have broadly similar arrangements.

So, o LJ, tell me what is normal, usual behaviour.

I guess it depends to some extent on the relationship you have with your parents and, possibly, whether or not they've moved since you last lived with them. I have never formally 'moved out' of my parents' house - my bedroom is still notionally my bedroom, and has quite a lot of my stuff in it; I suspect this will change if/when I ever manage to purchase my own residence. How many people do officially 'move out' as opposed to slowly drifting into new routines, leaving their parents' house festooned with junk to be tolerated, delivered in a crate or quietly thrown away. How many people have been relieved of their keys ? Have people been presented with keys to a new parental abode in which they've never lived ?

Comments

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I have a key to my parents current house, even though it's not actually the home I grew up in. I think that's normal.

[dr-bob.livejournal.com]

I have keys to the father-in-law's house, but not to either of my own parents' houses. Possibly because I've never lived in either of the latters' houses (they've moved since I lived with them) and the father-in-law's place was my home for a year or so, and remains only a mile from my house.
So neither relieved of keys, nor presented with replacements.

[sushidog.livejournal.com]

I don't think I currently have a key to my parents' house, but that's only because I haven't got round to asking for one since last time their locks got changed. I do know where they keep the spares, so would have no trouble just walking in if I wanted to, but I wouldn't want to, really; I would always check with them first.
But I do feel free to go there whenever I want to; someone once said that home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

Oh, and may I claim a kudo for "Runaway Train", by Soul Asylum?

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

I stopped having a key to my parents' house around ten years ago. They've never had keys to mine, either.

[mister-jack.livejournal.com]

I have a key to my mum's new house, although it's not locked when she's in anyway. I didn't have a key to the house I grew up in after I left, but I knew where the spare key was hidden so it made few odds. I wouldn't just walk in unannounced; that would be impolite.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I have a key to my parents' house. Also, when the lock on the back door was changed they made a point of checking I could still get in.

And certainly my kids will always be allowed keys to our house. Although right now the Hippo is going through a bit of a keys phase. He plays with the locks on all of our internal doors. He hasn't yet locked us out of (or his sister into) any parts of the house, but I expect he will sooner or later.

[kissifa.livejournal.com]

I still have the keys to my parents' house (also the house I grew up in). I have the kind of relationship with them where they want me to know (and have explicitly stated as such) that I can "come home" (read as 'come see them') anytime I want, and so I have keys to re-inforce and facilitate that message. I like to think that when they move I'll get keys to their new place, but as they've not moved yet, only time will tell. :)

[paste.livejournal.com]

i too have a room of junk at my parents house... where else would i store all that crap i'll probably never want again but seemed to think i needed desperately! i don't have a key to their house at the moment, seems pointless as they live on the other side of the world but i used to have one, i know exactly where the spare key is, and i get given my set back whenever i am home.

i guess it really depends on your relationship & physical proximity to your parents but i'd always assumed much the same as you!

[ewx.livejournal.com]

I've got a key to my parents' house. As it happens I can still remember some of the admin passwords from my first job (which I quit in 2001). I imagine they've changed them by now - and for that matter long since retired the systems they worked on - but one of my final emails at that job was pointing out that we'd not historically done a great job of changing passwords when people left.

[octalbunny.livejournal.com]

I'm currently back in my parents' house for a few months, and my stuff has officially moved in for longer than that.

On my mum's side of the extended family, all the children have keys to their folks' house. I think we all have junk at our respective folks' places too.

[lathany.livejournal.com]

I don't know whether I have a key or not! I was offered one, when my parents moved just over a year ago. However, on the grounds that I never visit when they're out, I think I may have refused the key. That said, I've got one on my keyring that is recent and I don't know what it fits.

Must check.

I no longer have stuff at my parents' house. I didn't have much before they moved and, as part of their moving process, they sorted out which was my stuff and which was chrestomancy's and handed this back. This was exceptionally tricky as most of the remaining stuff was books and we all read the same things.

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

I don't have keys to my mums place and i guess i formaly left when they moved house and down sized, so they threw all my junk at me. Its miles away and a key would be useless really.

I do end up with keys to my fathers place ocasional, when he's away mainly and have been tempted to copy it as he's locked himself out a couple of times and i've had to break in for him...

[venta.livejournal.com]

You may have a kudo, yes :)

[snathe.livejournal.com]

I've always had a key to my parents' house, although now that I live just round the corner at my aunt's house my old room is now being used mainly for storage and as a general 'dumping ground' for a miscellany of items.

My parents have always stressed that no matter what happens, we (my brother and I) are always welcome there any time. Plus, a lot of my post still goes there so I tend to call in most evenings to pick it up.

(I also think that the individual in the article needs to stop having his head stuck up his own arse, but then most newspaper columnists tend to give me that impression)

[venta.livejournal.com]

That's interesting - I don't think I'd have nearly the same level of assumption of children giving parents keys to their house. In fact, I'm not sure I know anyone whose parents have keys. But then, I don't know many people who live close enough to their parents for it to be relevant. Possibly if you had parents popping round for social visits or babysitting or somesuch it'd be different.

[addedentry.livejournal.com]

My parents live in the house they've lived in for, gosh, 40 years now; there are about 500 books of mine still there, but only because I don't have a car to take them away in; yet I don't have a key to their house.

This was my choice: principally because I visit two or three times a year and don't want the responsibility of looking after someone else's keys. I would be somewhat hurt if they'd asked me to relinquish the keys, certainly.

[snow-leopard.livejournal.com]

I have a key to my Parents house and its generally assumed I can let myself in whenever I like. Similarly my parenst and siblings all have a key to my house and are welcome to let themselves in whenever.
But I guess not all families have such an open attitude!

[triskellian]

I still have keys to my parents' house (which they've lived in since I was four), but I'm not entirely certain where they are, and I haven't used them in years - on the rare occasions that they don't spot my arrival and stand waiting at the door for me, I ring the bell (they sometimes grumble about this). If I carried their keys, I'd feel no compunction about turning up unannounced and letting myself in - I think they'd feel it was a nice surprise :-)

My keys include the key to the room formerly known as my room (I'm not even sure if they've got a copy of that key, actually!), which has gradually been almost entirely redecorated and purged of my stuff - it's now the spare room, and where I sleep when I stay there. My brother's old room is now the study, but still contains a sofa bed, so he sleeps there rather than the 'spare room', even if I'm not around.

I didn't formally move out, but I think the last time I was there for more than three or four days was the summer between my first and second years at uni. They've been trying to rid themselves of my stuff ever since, and ocassionally find new outposts of it hiding in unexpected places ;-)

[venta.livejournal.com]

I believe my mother has remarked before that if I grow up properly, get a house, and move out they won't look on it as losing a daughter so much as gaining a substantial quantity of bookshelf :)

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

May I have half a kudo for thinking it should be "I was a key..."?

[venta.livejournal.com]

I don't think so... isn't it "I was there, like a blow torch burning, like a key that could use a little turning."

Obviously I haven't actually verified this information, I prefer wild claims.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I've checked now, you're right. Half a kudo.

And, er, yes... I guess "slow torch" does make more sense than "blow torch" in the circs :)

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

My parents did, until I moved out. My ex's parents probably still do. It wasn't for babysitting, but for 'check no one burned our house down while we were away' type purposes. :)

I live 15 miles from mine, so it made sense for quite a long time - my mum had to come and rescue me when I locked myself out once - and probably would now if there weren't other spare keys even closer.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I'd argue, though, that you didn't give your mother a key because she was your mother, but because she was a nearby trustable person who might water your tomatoes/bail you out in emergencies.

I doubt many parents give their kids keys with any delusions that the kids will actually do useful things with them ;)

[wechsler.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have keys, though I never lived there, and you've just reminded me to pick them up before I go visit.

I have no room there; although my brother still does while he's at Uni.