My lovely, lovely, lovely horse...

[venta]

If the papers are to be believed, the under-18s of this country are unregenerated ASBO-winning delinquents. This has never worried me particularly. Eve told Adam that the kids were not all right and would soon be turning to murder, thus setting a pattern for all eternity. History does not contain a single era where teenagers have been held up as a shining example. However, of late I've become worried. I now have incontrovertible evidence that it's time we started to panic.

Look:



If that's not shocking evidence of moral degeneracy in today's youth, I don't know what is.

This picture was taken on a rainy residential street in Reading. In the last week, I've seen the same scene (only sunnier) in Greenwich and in North London. Conkers just lying about on the ground.

This did not happen in my day. We were down in the park, throwing sticks up into the horse chestnut trees to get the conkers down. In August.

Which yes, wasn't a great idea, because the conkers were all pale and squashy and, come Autumn, there were none left to ripen. The odd rogue which had managed to stay on the tree and fall naturally to the pavement would have been snatched up the instant it was spotted.

What is going on ? Are all the kids at home playing Wii Conkas® or something ? Where will it all end ?

Comments

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Several possible reasons:-

a) Conkers are dangerous these days.
b) Conkers might take someone's eye out
c) Some children might be allergic to conkers
d) Some children might mistake conkers for a tube of smarties.

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

e) playing conkers might be subversive
f) Playing conkers might encourage anti-social behaviour
g) Playing conkers might be racially offensive
h) Playing conkers might require imagination (imagination leads to subversiveness)
i) Conkers might encourage premature clicking of the post comment button

[leathellin.livejournal.com]

j) Conkers is a competitive and confrontational game which might encourage violence and subversion
k) Conkers isn't educational enough, fun is not allowed

[uitlander]

I have to report that my evening walks around Burghfield reveal children avidly collecting conkers, although few appear to have made the cognitive leap of throwing sticks up into the branches to encourage them. Sometimes its nice to live in a cultural backwater.

[pm215]

Ah well, maybe one of these millennia they'll master basic tool use :-)

[pigeonhed.livejournal.com]

I just saw a vision of kids staring at a big black monolith and then one throws a stick up into a tree to ge conkers down...

[lathany.livejournal.com]

I was one of those weirdos who liked collecting them rather than fighting with them.

I will admit to disappointment that the duo do not yet have the conker bug.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I liked doing both. Though I think it's one of life's great disappointments that conkers never stay shiny once you take them home.

I did try varnishing some one year. Unfortunately, I think I left them in my Dad's shed to dry, then forgot about them. I certainly don't remember ever getting round to checking whether it worked.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Varnishing them means you can't play conkers with them, though. Or rather, if you do it's cheating. Just like filling a conker with Milliput is cheating.

On the subject of your photo above, I reckon that one on the far left looks like a goodun too. I'll have that. Good for at least six wins I reckon.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I'll let you know how the far-left-conker does if I find anyone to play with.
(You didn't think I left them there, did you ?)

The varnishing wasn't intended as an endurance booster, just an aesthetic effect. I've always thought a bowl of shiny conkers beats a vase of flowers any day.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I generally pick up a lovely shiny one every autumn and carry it around in my bag or pocket for the whole reas tof the year. It's weirdly comforting.

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

I have a conker sitting on the table beside my keyboard. I think it is maybe two years old.

[brrm.livejournal.com]

There is a massive bag of conkers outside my neighbours' front door (they have kids). There must be a good couple of hundred conkers in there. Balance restored?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Certainly a good sign. Maybe we're not due for some kind of apocalyptic teenage meltdown just yet.

[ebee.livejournal.com]

Thank god its not just me being deeply perturbed by this autumn awfulness!
I know that nearly every school in the UK has banned the collection or playing of conkers on school grounds due to the risk of errant varnishing and over hardening of conkers then used as projectile devices into the eyes of poor unsuspecting brats...but as a 'give it a go' childminder I'm very saddened at the lack of enthusiasm evident from my charges on the after-school run past a tree where my delighted pouncing on conkers was met with evident derision and disgust at my having 'touched nature'...yes, Wii versions must be much cleaner and remove the even slight sense of excitement. Gone gone gone to the dogs I say..its as bad as not being able ot make things out of toilet or kitchen roll tubes lest MRSA be found lurking on them!

[venta.livejournal.com]

I know that nearly every school in the UK has banned the collection or playing of conkers on school grounds due to the risk of errant varnishing and over hardening of conkers then used as projectile devices into the eyes of poor unsuspecting brats

Really ? Have they also banned marbles, squash, powerballs, and elbows ?

If they'd said conkers were bad because kids were ending up with such bashed knuckles they couldn't hold a pencil properly I'd have understood (been there, done that).

[ebee.livejournal.com]

Conker banning outrage was about 3 years ago. Marbles were a good 3 years before that as I recall- small parts easily swallowed and too competitive. Squash is only allowed to be played by over 16yr olds and elbows should be removed wherever possible and CERTANLY not inflicted on fellow classmates. Unsure what you mean by powerballs so cant comment!
Conkers were outlawed as folk were replacing the centre with a lump of grit/small stone and then varnishing them and placing on radiators in order to maximse 'hardness' and then the risk of string popping back would result in eye/conker collisions...surely you remember the news reports? THE DAILY MAIL had a field day!


Odd conker fact...do you know DEER (at least those on Richmond Park) can swallow them whole and pluck them out of the air if thrown in their direction? I vividly remember my Dad clearing our collection of 'lower rated' speicmens by feeding them to a deer who was very impressed by such a treat. It was like a dog jumping for chocolate..grabbed them out of the air and gulped them down- we could see the conker slide down its throat! As a park warden was watching us I may only presume this is a non detremental practice for deer and they enjoyed eating my conkers (dried in a huge glass sweet jar for a few months!)Weird huh?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Actually, no, I don't remember the outrage - serious attempts by me to follow the news have only been instituted in the past couple of years. As a student I managed to avoid news entirely without even trying. Filling conkers with conkrete may well be dangerous, but worse than that's it's unsporting and should be used as a shining example in all citienship lessons.

Powerballs are those small balls made of hard rubber, which bounce waaaay higher than you expect. My parents' hallway had a wooden floor and (when I was little) nothing much breakable. You could have great fun with a powerball, rattling it between the wall and the side of the stairs.

I didn't know about the deer. I'll have to try it out when I next find one :)

[phlebas.livejournal.com]

Actually, no, I don't remember the outrage

You mean you never saw this shirt?

[venta.livejournal.com]

No, but I predict I'll be ordering one very shortly :)

(Even if the joke is a bit past its amuse-by date.)

[ebee.livejournal.com]

Conker banning outrage was about 3 years ago. Marbles were a good 3 years before that as I recall- small parts easily swallowed and too competitive. Squash is only allowed to be played by over 16yr olds and elbows should be removed wherever possible and CERTANLY not inflicted on fellow classmates. Unsure what you mean by powerballs so cant comment!
Conkers were outlawed as folk were replacing the centre with a lump of grit/small stone and then varnishing them and placing on radiators in order to maximse 'hardness' and then the risk of string popping back would result in eye/conker collisions...surely you remember the news reports? THE DAILY MAIL had a field day!


Odd conker fact...do you know DEER (at least those on Richmond Park) can swallow them whole and pluck them out of the air if thrown in their direction? I vividly remember my Dad clearing our collection of 'lower rated' speicmens by feeding them to a deer who was very impressed by such a treat. It was like a dog jumping for chocolate..grabbed them out of the air and gulped them down- we could see the conker slide down its throat! As a park warden was watching us I may only presume this is a non detremental practice for deer and they enjoyed eating my conkers (dried in a huge glass sweet jar for a few months!)Weird huh?