I read the news today, oh boy

[venta]

As Noddy Holder once said "It's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiistmas". Which means that even if you're in work, you're quite possibly not doing any. Therefore, I propose a game.

A prize to the best bit of non-news found on the BBC news website today.

What do I mean by non-news ?

Well, I don't mean a story that isn't very interesting or "newsworthy". I usually mean a poorly phrased or badly thought-out sentence which states the blindingly obvious.

This problem was originally drawn to my attention by onebyone in March this year. The BBC headline (at the time) on a breaking story about an axe attack was "Man Dies After Being Beheaded". As Onebyone pointed out, "Of course he fucking did. That's not news.".

The most recent example I saw was in the story about the death penalty finally being carried out on Stanley Tookie Williams. The BBC report tells us that journalists said "the mood in the execution chamber was sombre". Well... yes.

So, please report here (with link!) any sentences/headlines/stories on the BBC which you feel to be qualifying non-news. If possible, please keep a screenshot as the BBC has a habit of maliciously changing the stories subtly throughout the day.

Comments

[davefish.livejournal.com]

Does it have to be todays news, or just be available on the website today?

[secondhand-rick.livejournal.com]

A couple of weeks ago we had endless days of 'George Best is still dead' NotNews.

Reminded me of the Python sketch with John Cleese (IIRC) reporting that the Marble Arch was still there.

[(Anonymous)]

Preferably today's news, but I'll settle for available-today if it's a particuarly good one.

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

Victors hail US evolution ruling

Well it ain't going to be the losers, is it?

Screenshot

[venta.livejournal.com]

Well... today has now ended, it being the morning evening (I forgot to hit "Post Comment" before going to work) of the 22nd.

And despite other people pointing out entertaining things, I think this was the best example of what I was after.

Mail me your postal address (venta at livejournal dot com if you don't tknow my "real" address) and I'll dispatch your prize.

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

Ooh I win a prize! I wasn't expecting that! I think I may have to share with T, as he actually pointed out the daft headline before you'd mentioned the game.

[mr-tom.livejournal.com]

I like the way that the scrolly thingy keeps flashing up headlines like:

"14 soldiers killed in Iraq. More soon."

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

It doesn't quite qualify as non-News, but I did quite like "Beagle 2 probe 'spotted' on Mars" (here).

There goes my theory that it would turn up on Venus. Or in a roadside diner in Arkansas.

[metame.livejournal.com]

This isn't quite what you were after but works nicely as a couple of lines taken out of context (from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/4543720.stm) - about Iran banning 'Western' music.


' Songs by American easy-listening artist Kenny G are also often featured.

"This is terrible," said Iranian guitarist Babak Riahipour, a musician whose songs featured on state TV and radio. "The decision shows a lack of knowledge and experience." '

It's winter in Lancashire

[shrydar.livejournal.com]

"... going out on a chilly winter night in clothes more suited to "Florida or Ibiza" is not sensible"

Re: It's winter in Lancashire

[white_hart]

I was about to post that one!

Re: It's winter in Lancashire

[pigeonhed.livejournal.com]

An interesting twist on the 'she was asking for it, walking home dresed like that' argument.

[erming.livejournal.com]

Btw I sent you a link to help you have a job for life.

Ie how to write unmaintainable code. Don't know if you've seen it before though.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Yes thanks - I was reading a little of it at work today. Thought I'd better stop before my boss got wise, though.

Actually, I'm quite pro writing maintainable code so it was useful as an entertaining list of things not to do!

[erming.livejournal.com]

That was my take on it too.

It was a good read though and filled a bit of time.