It never pays to love the venus of the hardsell

[venta]

Last night, against my better judgement, I went to see Constantine.

Now, I'm a big fan of John Constantine, mostly as portrayed by Dillon and Ennis. He's a git, an anti-hero, a selfish bastard who occasionally comes through, a realist. He's a cockney. He weaves his way among urban decay, the National Front and racial hatred, and spiralling interest rates; the stories are a product of Thatcherite Britain.

So I was never going to like a Hollywood potrayal featuring Keanu Reeves as the man himself, was I ?

The best thing to do seemed to be to forget everything I'd ever read, and treat the film as just another angels'n demons'n guns (oh my!) blockbuster. And, to be honest, it did a pretty good job of that. The plot was a mish-mash of various Constantine plotlines, but they were at least (originally) good plotlines.

As a portrayal of the character we know and, er, know or his world it was, of course, a failure. In fairness, though, I don't think it was as bad a failure as I'd been expecting. Quite apart from not being cockney, Reeves was a strangely bland Constantine - not much anger, not much vitriol, not much anything and way too polite most of the time. But I'd gone expecting that.

I think my main criticism would be that a lot of it was just too large-scale. Not from a plot point of view; saving the world from damnation and parleying with the beings from other planes is all in a day's work. But blazing big guns, and people flying backwards through building after building ? No. Flicking through my copy of Original Sins last night, I have to concede that some of the scenes with demons, or of hell, are as big and overblown as the film portrayed them - yet somehow they're more believable on the page. The slick, glossy, CGI'd demons looked overdone and out of place.

I did get worried early on - Beeman being told to "consult the scrolls" had a sudden gone-a-bit-Buffy feel about it. Midnite's secret chamber had that look too - I'd rather someone had some runes scribbled on the back of a fag packet than a huge and demonic-looking weighty tome. But then, fag packets are hardly Hollywood, are they ?

In fairness, though, some bits did work well. Constantine slumped dishevelled in a corner, wrists slit with a bit of broken glass, trying to light a fag as he bargains for his soul ? Or punching a demon in the face, mid-exorcism ? That we recognise. Gabriel was, I thought, marvellous both in look and attitude (though I prefer the original story, which closes with him slumped, shivering, under a blanket having had his wings removed with a chainsaw.) People die unnecessarily. Constantine doesn't get the girl. It could have been a lot worse.

I was at the cinema in time to see the trailers - and I must admit the first one really impressed me. Sin City looks gorgeous. I should point out here that I've never read any of the Sin City comics, so I don't have to get snotty about it like I did about Constantine or From Hell or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It seems to be shot in a beautiful, stylized, almost tactile way - largely in black and white, with occasional flashes of colour.

And then... the trailer for Amityville Horror. Why, why, why will that story not die ? For heaven's sake, even the Fortean Times concedes that the supernatural occurrences were pretty much wholly made up by one guy to make a good story. Bleh. "Based on the true story", it says. Right.

And a message to the people who made House of Wax: I've seen the trailer, now I don't need to see the film. Suspense, scriptwriting and horror are not the same as "lots of goop".

And for, I think, the first time ever, the Designated Hero of the Week is someone I've never met. I'm not quite sure we've never had one of those before, but I don't think we have. So: DHW is stegzy, for unsolicitedly posting out the most marvellous compilation CD. Cheers, mate, it's very much appreciated.

Comments

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

:-D Hand crafted CDs rock! Hope you like it!

[venta.livejournal.com]

I do indeed - thanks!

Lots of stuff I've never heard on it, as well as a couple of old friends. And a cracking choice of closing track :)

[mejoff.livejournal.com]

As a longtime fan of SinCity, I can tell you that it looks to be the opposite of Constantine. The full lenght trailer shows even more clearly how failthful it's going to be, there are word differences in some of the lines in that trailer, but the lines may have had the middle cut out to pace the trailer better, the fact that the shots the lines are in look like animations of the frames that the same speech bubbles are in is a clue to just how close this is going to be.

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

Frank Miller co-directed Sin City, which is probably why it will bear a resemblance to the comics. Whether this makes it any more successfull as a film is of course another question.

[nalsa.livejournal.com]

Not wanting to be a comics geek, but isn't Constantine supposed to be a Scouser?

[venta.livejournal.com]

The description I was reading of him in Original Sins describes his accent as "naff 1970s South London with a hint of Scouse".

I dunno if it's mentioned elsewhere, I've always had it in my head that he's Cockney.

Keanu Reeves Can't Act!

[marjory.livejournal.com]

Ah... Now I have to say that the Keanu Reeves aspect has put me off Constantine a great deal. He was sort of alright in the first Matrix, for which his role required him looking faintly puzzled for much of the time (he can do that alright, dude). What I think really spelled it out to me was going to see M3 in German and discovering that the voice actor dubbing for Neo was considerably better than old KR (Morpheus also gives clear statements as opposed to issuing gnomic, visionary utterances in German, but that's another story).

There appears to be a bit of a trend for the dark comic books in Hollywood at the mo'. I did see Hellboy when it came out on DVD, and concluded that it was just sort of fun and schmalzy and oddly enough I didn't have any great fears regarding the onset of the Apocalypse as planned by Mr A. Baddie......

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

As far as I'm concerned, he sounds like David Bowie.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I'm actually not really sure I have much idea what David Bowie sounds like. Not when he's speaking, anyway.

[timeplease.livejournal.com]

Definitely Liverpool (although my copy of the issue that makes this clear appears to have grown legs, so I can't check).

[venta.livejournal.com]

I guess he must have one of those wandering accents then (cf. Captain Jack Sparrow, Drusilla et al) :)

[timeplease.livejournal.com]

I should point out here that I've never read any of the Sin City comics

Oh, you should. Not for any kind of grand story (although the way he links all the books together with characters from one appearing in the background of another is quite fun), but for the art and the atmosphere.

largely in black and white, with occasional flashes of colour - exactly like the books.

(Thanks for the CD, by the way - lots of stuff that's new to me, with the notable exception of the Capriol Suite that I've played in many times before but haven't had a recording of.)

Re: Keanu Reeves Can't Act!

[venta.livejournal.com]

I was immensely pleased when KR finally cut his hair off. Before that, whatever I saw him in I was always expecting him to leap up shouting "Excellent!", and that really spoiled Dracula.

[waistcoatmark.livejournal.com]

Grew up in Liverpool, ran away to London when he was in his teens

[waistcoatmark.livejournal.com]

Given that Sin City is basically Film Noir (with more violence) in comic form, it should be a cinch to convert to a movie. Even the stories are the right length.

[shrydar.livejournal.com]

Don't tell me you don't have a DVD of Labyrinth gracing your shelves? :)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Actually, I personally don't, but someone in the house might.

You're right, though - of course I know that Bowie sounds like speaking.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Incidentally - tell me more about Unisex Salon! I really like the track of theirs on the CD. Can you recommend an album for me to hunt down ?

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

They dont have any albums out "as yet" but they have a substancial web presence and bags of EP's and demo stuff dotted around.

Their website is www.unisexsalonband.com and they have a MySpace page too I think....Their stage shows are legendary (apparently)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Or, you know, I could actually, like, read the sleevenotes you included properly. Duh ;)

[mejoff.livejournal.com]

That's not actually what he sounds like, he's putting on a 'fantasy-posh-voice'. He's generally much more cockney :)

[shrydar.livejournal.com]

Now you mention it, I vaguely recall that.

The question is, what did onebyone mean? :)

Re: Keanu Reeves Can't Act!

[jiggery-pokery.livejournal.com]

*obligatory air guitar*

[condign.livejournal.com]

I'm going to see Sin City this weekend. Expect a report. ;)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Come on, where's our report :)

[condign.livejournal.com]

UPDATE: Going to see it tonight. Expect a report then.