Singin' "hey diddle diddle" with your kitty in the middle

[venta]

Over on her own journal, quisalan's been asking people for phrases they use which no one else knows. I know I've become infamous for these, so I'm not going to demonstrate again that I live on another planet from everyone else.

However, cryx suggested the rather marvellous "That won't get the baby ironed", an amalgam of "That won't get the baby bathed" and "That won't get the shirts ironed". Which reminded me that running two proverbs together has produced some of my favourite phrases ever.

I first became aware of this as a concept during an episode of, er, My Word, I think - something featuring Frank Muir, anyway. One of those involved was talking about his mother-in-law's habit of confusing proverbs, and gave the following examples:

That gets right up my goat (= That gets my goat + That gets right up my nose)
The ball's on the other foot now (= The ball's in your court + The boot's on the other foot now)

I immediately adopted them as my own.

Another one I encountered quite recently is the winceworthy statement of intention to get on with something, provided for me by JdB:

I must get my teeth to the grindstone (= I must get my teeth into it + nose to the grindstone). Though why putting any part of your face to the grindstone is supposed to be beneficial is a bit of a mystery.

The best bit about these is that (to me, anyway) their meaning is immediately apparent, even though they're not standard phrases. Whether this is from the context in which they're used, from the tone of voice, or from the ability of the hearer to untangle the two phrases is open to debate.

A fine set of candidates for this combination approach is the vast range of phrases which are used to indicate that someone has asked a stupid question, to which the answer is so obviously "yes" that it wasn't worth the asking.

The first one I remember knowing was "Do ducks swim?", used as follows:

A: Would you like a cup of tea?
B: Do ducks swim ?

Does a bear shit in the woods ?
Is the Pope a Catholic ?
Does Judith Charmers have a passport ?
Does the Trojan horse have a wooden willy ?

Great phrases all, but clearly inferior to, for example, asking whether ducks are Catholic or whether the Pope shits in the woods. My dad seems to have settled on "Is the Pope a duck ?" for his question of choice.

If anyone has any more variants, I'd be delighted to add them to the mix'n'match line-up.

Comments

[stompyboots.livejournal.com]

Is the Pope a duck? made me laugh.

The OED, he say...

[wimble.livejournal.com]

As usual, you gave me an etymology and confusion. So...
The critical part is that you do it to other people.

b. Phr. to hold (keep, bring, put) one's nose to the grindstone: to get the mastery over another and treat him with harshness or severity, to grind down or oppress; also, in mod. use, to keep (oneself or another) continually engaged in hard and monotonous labour.
1532 FRITH Mirr. to know Thyself (1829) 273 This Text holdeth their noses so hard to the grindstone, that it clean disfigureth their faces.

I'd guess it's an analogy to leaning really close in to the grindstone while sharpening blades.

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

I'm quite fond of "a rolling stone butters no parsnips", but I don't get much opportunity to use it.

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Arrrrgh! Noooo...Parsnips eeek!!

**comes out in hives**

[triskellian]

I've been known to ask: if a Catholic bear shits in the woods, does the pope hear it?, which doesn't have quite the same effect, but is rather nice anyway.

And then there's my recent invention: damn the horses your eyes rode in on.

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Ah I tend to create my own proverbs or sayings sometimes based on Health and Safety notices and warnings but others on trinkets of wisdom.

eg when chums tell me about getting back with an old flame

Don't go back to a dud firework

or when someones digging up or stirring trouble

Those that play with wasps nests get stung

[cardinalsin.livejournal.com]

How about: Closing the bag after the cat has been been spilled. Likely usage will be in connection with the Freedom of Information Act.

[venta.livejournal.com]

damn the horses your eyes rode in on

That one produced a definite giggle over here :)

A triple one I came up with last night (I am childishly fond of these things too)

[metame.livejournal.com]

We'll burn that bridge from both ends when we come to it...

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I don't know where the second half of that one comes from, or it would doubtless be funnier.

A friend of mine at secondary school was occasionally given to pointing out that "a rolling stone mixes no metaphors" - one of a few dozen based around the same basic theme (the rest you can reinvent for yourself).

[quisalan.livejournal.com]

How about "closing the stable door after the milk has spilt"?

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

That's a 3-in-1 isn't it ?

That could lead to a new game... hmm...

"Too many cooks in the hand saves nine where angels fear to tread !"

Interpretation left as an exercise for the reader, but the intention is clearly just to confuse the listener whilst imparting no useful information.

[j4.livejournal.com]

I don't know where the second half of that one comes from

"Fair words butter no parsnips", i.e. actions speak louder than words.

Personally I like "Don't mix metaphors midstream" as a self-referential thingummajig*.

* thingummajig, n. A metasyntactic wossname.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I don't know where the second half of that one comes from

Fine words butter no parsnips.

Which confused the hell out me when I was small, as it appeared to make no sense whatsoever.

Re: A triple one I came up with last night (I am childishly fond of these things too)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Nice.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Like, 'It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good'

To which my childhood response was 'Duh! Obviously it's an ill wind if it's not blowing anybody any good.'

And 'It's a snip at half the price'

Child Me: 'So, you're saying this would be a snip, but only if it cost half of what it costs now?'

[uitlander]

I frequently referred to things not done terribly well as 'a pile of dingo's kidneys' (origin: HHGTTG). I noted with some degree of satisfaction that this phrase had become widespread in Palaeolithic Arcaeology by the time I left.

Another archaeological term was 'To Tratmanise a collection' (i.e. to completely wreck to the point of uselessness an originally well recorded archaeological collection, based on the life work of Prof. E.K. Tratman of Bristol University). I also tentatively introduced the use of 'run it up a flag-pole and see who salutes it' to management at Tao (origin: The abominable Gus in Drop the Dead Donkey) - did it persist?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Exactly :)

My mum had (probably still has) a habit of saying to my dad, if he was being rude: "You're rotten. And if rottens were a bob, you'd be a two-bob rotten".

I've now untangled this to mean that if the quality of being rotten-mean cost a shilling (a "bob"), my dad would have been the extra-rotten two-shilling edition. Unfortunately, since my dad is also called Bobb, this saying left me at sea for years.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Surely the running it up the flagpole phrase predates Drop The Dead Donkey by some years ? I thought it was a military-origin, as you might expect.

I've no idea if it persists here, I don't talk to management.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Yes, I can see that having a Dad called Bob(b?) would make that very confusing.

I bet your cousins have lots of fun telling each other 'Bob's your uncle!', though.

[venta.livejournal.com]

Yes, for historical reasons, he spells it Bobb. Or maybe it's just to be awkward :)

I also have an Uncle Bob. The long winter evenings just fly by :)

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

Don't go back to a dud firework

That's good. In conversation with someone who I will not name in order to protect the guilty, this practice has also been officially determined to be like a dog returning to its vomit.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

I don't talk to management.

But that's not the point: do they talk to you?

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

it appeared to make no sense whatsoever.

But it does give you something to do trying to prove it wrong while you're making roast dinners.

[quisalan.livejournal.com]

That's a biblical quote, isn't it?