Singin' "hey diddle diddle" with your kitty in the middle

[venta]

Over on her own journal, quisalan's been asking people for phrases they use which no one else knows. I know I've become infamous for these, so I'm not going to demonstrate again that I live on another planet from everyone else.

However, cryx suggested the rather marvellous "That won't get the baby ironed", an amalgam of "That won't get the baby bathed" and "That won't get the shirts ironed". Which reminded me that running two proverbs together has produced some of my favourite phrases ever.

I first became aware of this as a concept during an episode of, er, My Word, I think - something featuring Frank Muir, anyway. One of those involved was talking about his mother-in-law's habit of confusing proverbs, and gave the following examples:

That gets right up my goat (= That gets my goat + That gets right up my nose)
The ball's on the other foot now (= The ball's in your court + The boot's on the other foot now)

I immediately adopted them as my own.

Another one I encountered quite recently is the winceworthy statement of intention to get on with something, provided for me by JdB:

I must get my teeth to the grindstone (= I must get my teeth into it + nose to the grindstone). Though why putting any part of your face to the grindstone is supposed to be beneficial is a bit of a mystery.

The best bit about these is that (to me, anyway) their meaning is immediately apparent, even though they're not standard phrases. Whether this is from the context in which they're used, from the tone of voice, or from the ability of the hearer to untangle the two phrases is open to debate.

A fine set of candidates for this combination approach is the vast range of phrases which are used to indicate that someone has asked a stupid question, to which the answer is so obviously "yes" that it wasn't worth the asking.

The first one I remember knowing was "Do ducks swim?", used as follows:

A: Would you like a cup of tea?
B: Do ducks swim ?

Does a bear shit in the woods ?
Is the Pope a Catholic ?
Does Judith Charmers have a passport ?
Does the Trojan horse have a wooden willy ?

Great phrases all, but clearly inferior to, for example, asking whether ducks are Catholic or whether the Pope shits in the woods. My dad seems to have settled on "Is the Pope a duck ?" for his question of choice.

If anyone has any more variants, I'd be delighted to add them to the mix'n'match line-up.

Comments

[stompyboots.livejournal.com]

Is the Pope a duck? made me laugh.

[timeplease.livejournal.com]

ewx is a duck, as any fule kno.

The OED, he say...

[wimble.livejournal.com]

As usual, you gave me an etymology and confusion. So...
The critical part is that you do it to other people.

b. Phr. to hold (keep, bring, put) one's nose to the grindstone: to get the mastery over another and treat him with harshness or severity, to grind down or oppress; also, in mod. use, to keep (oneself or another) continually engaged in hard and monotonous labour.
1532 FRITH Mirr. to know Thyself (1829) 273 This Text holdeth their noses so hard to the grindstone, that it clean disfigureth their faces.

I'd guess it's an analogy to leaning really close in to the grindstone while sharpening blades.

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

I'm quite fond of "a rolling stone butters no parsnips", but I don't get much opportunity to use it.

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Arrrrgh! Noooo...Parsnips eeek!!

**comes out in hives**

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I don't know where the second half of that one comes from, or it would doubtless be funnier.

A friend of mine at secondary school was occasionally given to pointing out that "a rolling stone mixes no metaphors" - one of a few dozen based around the same basic theme (the rest you can reinvent for yourself).

[triskellian]

I've been known to ask: if a Catholic bear shits in the woods, does the pope hear it?, which doesn't have quite the same effect, but is rather nice anyway.

And then there's my recent invention: damn the horses your eyes rode in on.

[venta.livejournal.com]

damn the horses your eyes rode in on

That one produced a definite giggle over here :)

[stegzy.livejournal.com]

Ah I tend to create my own proverbs or sayings sometimes based on Health and Safety notices and warnings but others on trinkets of wisdom.

eg when chums tell me about getting back with an old flame

Don't go back to a dud firework

or when someones digging up or stirring trouble

Those that play with wasps nests get stung

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

Don't go back to a dud firework

That's good. In conversation with someone who I will not name in order to protect the guilty, this practice has also been officially determined to be like a dog returning to its vomit.

[cardinalsin.livejournal.com]

How about: Closing the bag after the cat has been been spilled. Likely usage will be in connection with the Freedom of Information Act.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

That's a 3-in-1 isn't it ?

That could lead to a new game... hmm...

"Too many cooks in the hand saves nine where angels fear to tread !"

Interpretation left as an exercise for the reader, but the intention is clearly just to confuse the listener whilst imparting no useful information.

A triple one I came up with last night (I am childishly fond of these things too)

[metame.livejournal.com]

We'll burn that bridge from both ends when we come to it...

Re: A triple one I came up with last night (I am childishly fond of these things too)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Nice.

Re: A triple one I came up with last night (I am childishly fond of these things too)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_yakumo_/]

I've used the simpler version 'We'll burn that bridge when we come to it' for a long time.

[quisalan.livejournal.com]

How about "closing the stable door after the milk has spilt"?

[uitlander]

I frequently referred to things not done terribly well as 'a pile of dingo's kidneys' (origin: HHGTTG). I noted with some degree of satisfaction that this phrase had become widespread in Palaeolithic Arcaeology by the time I left.

Another archaeological term was 'To Tratmanise a collection' (i.e. to completely wreck to the point of uselessness an originally well recorded archaeological collection, based on the life work of Prof. E.K. Tratman of Bristol University). I also tentatively introduced the use of 'run it up a flag-pole and see who salutes it' to management at Tao (origin: The abominable Gus in Drop the Dead Donkey) - did it persist?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Surely the running it up the flagpole phrase predates Drop The Dead Donkey by some years ? I thought it was a military-origin, as you might expect.

I've no idea if it persists here, I don't talk to management.

[triskellian]

My brother used to say something along the lines of 'run it up the flagpole and see if the rats desert the sinking ship'. But that, like so many other of his favourite sayings, could have been quoting either Edmund Blackadder or Arnold Rimmer...

[qatsi.livejournal.com]

To Tratmanise a collection
If you're not too focussed, that can read as "to traumatise a collection". But I see that doesn't exactly alter the meaning.

I'm not saying I don't trust you, but I wouldn't like to see you playing with subatomic particles.

[satyrica.livejournal.com]

I have an odd feeling I could probably nominate Carter USM's entire lyrical back catalogue for this: it seemed to be pretty much how they wrote songs . . .

(p.s.: I got very confused by you namechecking my housemate: are there no parts of my life that have the decency not to segue into each other anymore? although given that elethiomel is going out with my other housemate, I guess I'd kinda lost that battle already...)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Rest assured that I don't actually know cryx, merely observed their remark being made on quisalan's journal.

[zandev.livejournal.com]

As we discussed in the car, another one that I commonly use is:

'That's a whole new kettle of worms.'

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

This is presumably due to work usage, where almost anything ever suggested actually is both another kettle and an open can?

[pm215]

One of my father's coworkers was apparently prone to such expressions as "that's skating a bit close to the wind" and "it's a bit of a hot tomato", apparently entirely inadvertently...

[venta.livejournal.com]

Actually, I say "skating close to the wind" on occasion, too :)

[venta.livejournal.com]

I've just remembered a wonderful bit of dialogue from a Mary Stewart novel. Approximately:

Character1 (aged about 14): She was furious, being hoist in her own juice like that. Is that right ? It sounds a bit strange.
Character2 (grown up): I rather think you mean stewed with her own petard. But we'll let it pass.