I thought that every song that came on the radio was referring to strange sexual acts

[venta]

While waiting for the kettle to boil, I read another installment of Nick Hornby's 31 Songs. The book does exactly what it says on the tin - it contains Mr Hornby's thoughts and reflections on 31 of his favourite songs. This makes it conveniently bite-sized to read while, for example, boiling a kettle or eating your toast-and-evil of a morning.

I think I'm so far up to Song 11, and have known around half of the songs he's mentioned. I've still found the comments on the unknowns interesting, though, and each Song also contains general rambling about music and his reactions to it, or indeed completely different songs. At some point, I hope to be able to chase up and listen to the unfamiliar ones he's mentioned.

Today (while reading about I've Had It by Aimee Mann, which I've never heard) I encountered a throwaway remark about Complete Control by The Clash having a bad opening line. It does, actually, ("They said release 'Remote Control'") though I must admit that I'd never particularly noticed.

It did make me think, though, that sometimes songs can rise above their own lyrics - sometimes you don't even notice how ridiculous a lyric is until you see it written down, devoid of melody. Sometimes, though, a song has a dreadful line or two in it which jars every time you hear it, and takes the shine off the rest of the track.

So, I submit as the worst opening line in the world Here Comes The War, by New Model Army:

"Today, as you listen to this song another 394,000 children were born into this world"

There's really not a lot of excuse for that. Other parts of the song are good, though not great: the club-floor stomp of the chorus ("Here comes the war!"), the rallying shouts that end the verses ("Did you think we were born in peaceful times?"), the bastardization of Yeats (" Faster, faster, until the Centre cannot Hold"). Even the spoken, laboured lyrics fit the music and assume a power of their own in later verses. But nothing really gets away from the fact that the beginning is awful.

Incidentally, I haven't read ahead to see what songs are coming later in 31 Songs. I quite like the surprise of finding out what the next one will be as I turn the page, so no spoilers please :)

Comments

[zotz]

I really like that as an opening line simply because it is so unsuited to be a line from a song. It jars. As it should.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_corpse_/]

I'm with zotz on that one.

I'd like to suggest an alternative stinker, but my mind's gone a blank.

[zotz]

1. I wake up, and I put on my makeup
2. War, war is stupid, and people are stupid

I lose two cool points

[venta.livejournal.com]

I don't think I actually recognise either of those. I thought 1 was Celebrity Skin, but on reflection it isn't.

Or gain two, possibly.

[zotz]

The first is from some godawful sub-soul pop song from the eighties . . . "I say a little prayer for you", by Whitney Houston. Except that by googling I see there are various versions and it's apparently written by Burt Bacharach. He should know better.

The second, of course, is Culture Club's utterly execrable "War song".

[venta.livejournal.com]

OK, I'm not aware of knowing either. Do they really have noticeably bad first lines, or are they just bad all the way through and the first line warns you what's coming ?

Oddly, I'm finding it difficult to judge badness without knowing what the songs sound like.

[zotz]

The former is, overall, just bland and not noticeably Godawful apart from the first line. The latter, though, is just dreadful. Even Boy George apparently now dislikes it.

[satyrica.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, I haven't read ahead to see what songs are coming later in 31 Songs. I quite like the surprise of finding out what the next one will be as I turn the page, so no spoilers please :)

important to include as oherwise I would have started wittering about one of the others he discusses (although I can't remember if it's earlier or later . . .)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Noted. I'll invite comments from the floor when I've finished it ;)

[hjalfi.livejournal.com]

Pretty much everything by Nightwish counts here, although with them it's less because the song transcends the lyrics and more because they're not native English speakers and the lyrics are all pretty clunky. (Although they are pretty darn good.)

(I was just looking for an example --- however, the worst one I could remember actually turns out to be a Gary Moore cover, so it's not their fault. Who's Gary Moore?)

This is from Elvenpath:

Hearing music from the deepest forest
Songs as a seduction of sirens
The elf-folk is calling me

Tapio, Bearking, Ruler of the forest
Mielikki, Bluecloak, Healer of the ill and sad
Open the gate and let me follow the uncarven path

Yes, well. It's heavy metal, you're not supposed (or, a lot of the times, able) to listen to the words. And I can forgive them a lot for songs like Sleeping Sun. Is that the goth anthem it sounds like?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Since I got this mailed to me and read it in plaintext with markup, I got the rather chilly rendition:

The elf-folk is calling me. Brrr! Brrrr!

(Or something like that.)

Is that the goth anthem it sounds like?

I have no idea. Play me it and I'll tell you, for I am the arbiter of goth :)

(Or perhaps failmaster might know?)