This is the best blood that we've ever had

[venta]

As I reported the other day, the ladies' toilets here are becoming the chic place to reside if you're a brisk young spider who's going places.

This is becoming more apparent as today a fifth Spider, Mr. Jackson, has moved in, making the angle of the toilet door and the wall his home. He's chosen a rather loftier website, around two feet off the ground, giving him a very commanding location. It's clearly prime territory; he must be rather wealthier than the other residents.

"But what's this?" you cry. "A fifth Spider ? Surely Messrs. Smith, Jones and Wesson only make three?"

Well, on Friday things got a little complicated. I observed that Mr. Smith's home, unlike the others, was a complicated thre-dimensional affair housing not one but two Spiders. Mr. Smith, and... AN Other.

Now, obviously this renders the whole business rather more complicated. Are they merely sharing a property, or actually co-habiting ? A bachelor webpad, or a happy couple ? I have no idea of the social niceties of such things among the spider community. Perhaps Spider 4 was merely visiting, or even attempting robbery.

Up til now I've been tacitly assuming that all the Spiders are male (possibly to do with some confused notion about the term "daddy long legs"). Since I have now way of telling, arbitrarily treating them all as the same gender seemed safest.

But now, of course, the temptation is to assume that Spider 4 is Mrs. Smith. However, I'm also unwilling to start forcing (potentially incorrect) roles on the Spiders. Mr Smith and Spider 4 may or may not be a couple, and of course even if they are, this doesn't guarantee Spider 4 is female.

Obviously, it would be rude to continue referring to someone as Spider 4. To choose a gender-neutral name also seems wrong, since I have been assigning all others the title of "Mr". As a bunch of informed, broad-minded people (including some reasonably well informed in entomology): what do you suggest I call Spider 4 ?

Let no one say I don't encourage cutting-edge debate about the most important of subjects.

Comments

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Mrs Robinson?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Er, would there be more to that suggesting than immediately obvious if I'd seen the film ?

(Just checking I'm not mising something :)

[chrisvenus]

Well, no harm in using a male name and then they can be a gay couple if they are a acouple. Naming convention intact. Social order intact and until you go spider sexing you'll never have any proof to the contrary.

Sounds logical that does...

And could Spiderman also associate spiders with maleness in your head? :)

[venta.livejournal.com]

And could Spiderman also associate spiders with maleness in your head? :)

Could do - though I think it's specifically long-leggedy spiders that I assume to be male, so I assume it is the term "Daddy" that's done it. Other kinds I assume to be female (for which I blame Charlotte's Web (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0141317345/pd_ka_0/026-4689675-6707652) :)

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Not really. I haven't seen it either.

Of course, the other possibilities you haven't mentioned are either Master (or Miss) Smith, the spider's son (or daughter).

Or Mister Smith, and the spider previously known as Mister Smith is, in fact, Mrs. Smith. Since, tradtionally, it's the woman of the house who intially greets the neighbours when moving in.

[triskellian]

I think you might just have to accept that you'll have to rename the previously named spiders. I recommend names like 'Alex', 'Jo', 'Chris', 'Bob (optionally short for Kate)'.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I can keep up with two sets of names.

I'm considering keeping the existing names, but changing the honorific from "Mr" to "Spider". Sounds a bit communist, but gets round the problem.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Oh, in that case. Yes, of course.

Spider Robinson.

[maviscruet.livejournal.com]

I suggest Yelana....

...this of course makes no sense if you've not read transmetroplition.

[venta.livejournal.com]

I haven't :)

Not very well educated in my Ellis.

[maviscruet.livejournal.com]

Sorry it's spelt Yelena.

And I'll not say why it's sort of appropriate since you've not read it and one day you might.

Hell if you ever turn up to one of waistcoatmark you might be able to read his.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Could I suggest the sly alternative of picking a gender neutral title ?

For example: Dr. Foo

[venta.livejournal.com]

Ooh, of course. That's quite tempting. I couldn't help thinking that "Spider Foo" was lacking in a certain essential respectful dignity.

I'm sure they're educated Spiders, so it should be all right.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Spider Manchu?

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Or is that too much like Peter Parker with a cold?

[venta.livejournal.com]

You're not really treating this subject with the gravitas it deserves, I feel.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

On the contrary.

I think Doctor Foo Manchu is a perfect serious name for a spider intent on world domination.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

I couldn't help thinking that "Spider Foo" was lacking in a certain essential respectful dignity.

Ah, no, I was just using 'foo' as a metasyntactic variable (in accordance with the RFC).

If you want actual suggestions, how about "Dr. Remington" or "Dr. Glock" ?

[venta.livejournal.com]

Ah, no, I was just using 'foo' as a metasyntactic variable

Er, I know... I was commenting that whereas the title Dr. Foo retains the dignity I had been assigning the Spiders by addressing them as Mr., the other handle I'd considered ("Spider") didn't.

[grumblesmurf.livejournal.com]

Are they partners of Drs. Smith and Wesson? Or just associates of Dr. Bofors? (though I do hear he's quite a bore)

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Ah, roight.

If you want to opt for 'Spider' as a title, clearly you have to go for "Spider Jerusalem" !

[chron-job.livejournal.com]

> Spider Robinson.

Damn! He beat me to it! Damn the 5 hour time difference!

How about replacing the honorific "Mr." with "Sp." for Spider?

As in "Greetings Sp. Smith! How is Sp. Smith?"

-= Me