![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Missing the point as it goes over our heads
One day last week I accidentally went to focus (a rather inferior DIY store) with Sysadmins #1 and #2. It wasn't my fault, I thought we were going somewhere else.
I picked up a paint colour chart. No, I'm not planning on decorating my room. I was, however, amazed.
Craig & Rose have, the chart tells me, been making "paints of quality since 1829". They are moving with the times, though.Their current range of "paints to suit every mood" is... Feng Shui Paint!
The cover of the colour chart displays tasteful pictures, indicating that the paint will cause your home to become furnished in an attractively minimalist style, which will feature good wine, candles, and very possibly a cute Chinese girl to sit on your sofa. This is the way of colour charts everywhere, however; no one wants to be told that painting their house will leave it exactly the same as before but in a different colour.
Opening up the chart I find five stylised symbols representing the five elements (fire, earth, metal, water and wood for those of you who ignored the reading list) and a brief description of the nature and qualities of each. In case you're interested, the section on wood mentions that it enhances creativity and invention, and does not in fact contain information about how to prime it for painting.
Then... onto the paint! Feng Shui Rich Matt Emulsion has, I learn, a "wipe-clean formulation... ideal for walls", but more importantly "its texture.. allows walls to breathe so positive Chi can flow freely into your living environment". Mentally painting my bedroom, I am dithering between a colour scheme of Midnight on the walls and Wisdom on the ceiling, or the whole thing in alternating bands of Dignity and Nurture with skirtings painted in Dragon.
The Crystal Pearl Paint looks rather pleasingly metallic, and is intended to "bring a pearlescent sheen to woodwork". I can use it to add subtle reflective pearl accents, and encourage my health and happiness by reflecting Heaven's Chi all around my living space. Oh, and it's wipe-clean as well.
This is not, of course, to be confused with the metallic paint, whose "shiny finish allows the freeflow of positive Chi, inviting good luck into your home and creating balance and harmony". Assorted other metallesque washes, topcoats and varnishes are offered to reflect Chi into every corner and to keep it flowing smoothly. And yes, it is possible to buy a pot of Happiness. Also Purity, should you feel that your walls, woodwork or accessories are in need of such a thing.
Since it's become apparent that there is far more to decorating than merely choosing colours that look nice, I'm beginning to feel a little overwhelmed by the implications of the paints I might choose. A Chi imbalance could be way worse than the occasional run in your paintwork. However, I needn't fear. On the back of the chart, they have catered for just this problem by providing a 9 Star Ki Chart. Though I'm a little unclear exactly what a 9 Star Ki might be, I am touched by the precision of the lookup table - a handy footnote indicates that if my birthday comes before Feb 4th, I need to read the table differently. With a confused idea that I really shouldn't need to know my birthdate to follow a colour chart, I discover that my ruling element is metal and my 9 Star Ki Character is Organised. Apparently I should choose grey tones, to "enhance feelings of dignity and respect"[*]. Armed with this information, I can "really personalise my space".
Obviously, however, since my health and happiness are at stake, the paint company cannot be held responsible if decoration results in a fit of manic depression. Before concluding with tedious information about coverage and drying times, we have a disclaimer:
"We have used the various aspects of the mystic art of Feng Shui to create the suggested colour range and applications. Feng Shui is not an exact science and our recommendations correspond only to our interpretations of that tradition".
[*] See! The urban camouflage cords were the right choice.
I picked up a paint colour chart. No, I'm not planning on decorating my room. I was, however, amazed.
Craig & Rose have, the chart tells me, been making "paints of quality since 1829". They are moving with the times, though.Their current range of "paints to suit every mood" is... Feng Shui Paint!
The cover of the colour chart displays tasteful pictures, indicating that the paint will cause your home to become furnished in an attractively minimalist style, which will feature good wine, candles, and very possibly a cute Chinese girl to sit on your sofa. This is the way of colour charts everywhere, however; no one wants to be told that painting their house will leave it exactly the same as before but in a different colour.
Opening up the chart I find five stylised symbols representing the five elements (fire, earth, metal, water and wood for those of you who ignored the reading list) and a brief description of the nature and qualities of each. In case you're interested, the section on wood mentions that it enhances creativity and invention, and does not in fact contain information about how to prime it for painting.
Then... onto the paint! Feng Shui Rich Matt Emulsion has, I learn, a "wipe-clean formulation... ideal for walls", but more importantly "its texture.. allows walls to breathe so positive Chi can flow freely into your living environment". Mentally painting my bedroom, I am dithering between a colour scheme of Midnight on the walls and Wisdom on the ceiling, or the whole thing in alternating bands of Dignity and Nurture with skirtings painted in Dragon.
The Crystal Pearl Paint looks rather pleasingly metallic, and is intended to "bring a pearlescent sheen to woodwork". I can use it to add subtle reflective pearl accents, and encourage my health and happiness by reflecting Heaven's Chi all around my living space. Oh, and it's wipe-clean as well.
This is not, of course, to be confused with the metallic paint, whose "shiny finish allows the freeflow of positive Chi, inviting good luck into your home and creating balance and harmony". Assorted other metallesque washes, topcoats and varnishes are offered to reflect Chi into every corner and to keep it flowing smoothly. And yes, it is possible to buy a pot of Happiness. Also Purity, should you feel that your walls, woodwork or accessories are in need of such a thing.
Since it's become apparent that there is far more to decorating than merely choosing colours that look nice, I'm beginning to feel a little overwhelmed by the implications of the paints I might choose. A Chi imbalance could be way worse than the occasional run in your paintwork. However, I needn't fear. On the back of the chart, they have catered for just this problem by providing a 9 Star Ki Chart. Though I'm a little unclear exactly what a 9 Star Ki might be, I am touched by the precision of the lookup table - a handy footnote indicates that if my birthday comes before Feb 4th, I need to read the table differently. With a confused idea that I really shouldn't need to know my birthdate to follow a colour chart, I discover that my ruling element is metal and my 9 Star Ki Character is Organised. Apparently I should choose grey tones, to "enhance feelings of dignity and respect"[*]. Armed with this information, I can "really personalise my space".
Obviously, however, since my health and happiness are at stake, the paint company cannot be held responsible if decoration results in a fit of manic depression. Before concluding with tedious information about coverage and drying times, we have a disclaimer:
"We have used the various aspects of the mystic art of Feng Shui to create the suggested colour range and applications. Feng Shui is not an exact science and our recommendations correspond only to our interpretations of that tradition".
[*] See! The urban camouflage cords were the right choice.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
I think it's more down to the world's ability to provide bizarre nonsense than my ability to write it up though. I've never laughed out loud (in a DIY store) at a paint chart before.
no subject
Knowing your interest in Innocent Smoothies (or at least those that don't contain orange) have you tried their latest one? Beetroot, Apples, Pears and ginger - it sounds foul (especially as I don't actually like beetroot) but actually proves to be rather tasty.
no subject
no subject
However, if you assure me it's not foul, I'll keep a look out for it! Thanks.
no subject
Dragon paint ! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar !
no subject
I'd offer to check whether it would be a suitable colour scheme for you, but I've left the all-important chart at home.
no subject
Chi is obviously not an ideal gas. I think people should be told.
no subject
"I know where you're coming from."
WooHoo! Got one!
And on the subject of the paint: what _are_ they on?! Still, our living room is decorated in Feng Shui wallpaper. But that's a kind of sensible name in this case, because the decoration is Chinese style characters.
Fortunately B&Q didn't provide any similar mad literature for it; they just slapped a bit of it on a display and hoped I'd buy some, which I did.
no subject
Well, I can't see how that is going to catch on as a marketing strategy.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2005-01-13 12:43 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
*waves to AP* (I presume?)
no subject
no subject
Now there's a slogan the British Farm Council never thought of! Maybe you should write to them suggest a new campaign of eXXXtreme Vegetables :)
I'll do my best to hunt some out and try it.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject